Please, take my heart💋

R u mine? Nvm ik

CHAPTER 14*                                              
"Ofc, we will stay in touch", Lowen hugs me good-bye and I like her so so much I can't describe it then she hugs Ivan and he kisses her, she smiles and get in her car. She waves once and then leave. Just as she does I walk to my car, yawning. I didn't sleep a single second and now in two hours I have college and now I am thinking of another thing to depress me. Lowen's marriage is on 29th of November and Thanksgiving is on 26th. I obviously have no plans for Thanksgiving, I won't have anyone to spend it with. I will never go for a meal with mum and even though Travis had said once that he will return in Thanksgiving holidays he will obviously not spend it with me and I don't know what I will be doing all alone. Ivan said he can't make it to Thanksgiving at Lowen's place and since his parents are abroad he obviously might have plans and I am not even gonna reveal all the shit I am thinking it's embarassing. I start my car and get startled with the sudden knock at the window. I push the button and the window slides down. Ivan peeps his head inside and raises his left eyebrow as if asking something. I raise both of mine in response, he smiles and turns his head to his right. He then pats my head and says, "don't be awkward, I have loved you since always it's okay with me. You are my best friend and I am really thankful for that. Is it clear? Can you say a nice goodbye now and then leave?" I nod my head and give him a very small smile. He raises his hand and I do a hi-fi with him and then he smiles and gets to the side. I close my window and rush to my place not sure if I am preventing myself from smiling or crying. I am happy really happy with Ivan but I don't think I can feel that way again. It's not even been a week since the person who has been with me for 16 years broke up with me on text. I am just forced to believe that something is terrible wrong with me and till the time I don't figure it out how can I even love someone else and I love Ivan as my best friend and I don't want to hurt him but I don't think I will ever be ready. He says he is okay with us being just friends but I feel like I am using him and I hate it. He is the one who support me when Travis left without him I would have burnt myself to ashes and now I have realised I want to do the same for him. I want him to get the best because he deserves the best and I am not even 1% of it. I unlock my place and drop my bag on the couch and hurry to my bed and lay down quickly. I spread my arms and legs and close my eyes. My brain sends me the vision when Ivan kissed me and I open my eyes and take a deep breath. I am breathing heavily right now and there is a sudden ache in my which I can't quite identify. I place me hand over my face where Ivan had touched while kissing me, I get butterflies in my stomach while imagining it and it's so so wrong. I get up from my bed quickly and go to take a shower to calm my mind but what I don't wanna accept is it's not my mind but it's my heart that's racing.------- "Where is the colour of your face?" I am late for class and Ivan is asking me silly questions, even though he reached on time he had been waiting for me and now we are both running to the class that has started 15 minutes ago. I didn't even look at him even once and I hope he is oblivious of that fact. He holds my hand and says, "we can skip it if you are not feeling well". "I  am perfect, I don't know what's making you feel I am not". "Something's  troubling you, did Travis text you or something?" "He  fucking didn't", I try my best to lie."You  promise he hasn't texted you after that breakup night?" "He  has". I say not caring anymore because I can see our classroom now and the topic will end now. Just that moment Ivan pulls me and spuns me around and we both are sharing breaths in the middle of our college campus. He moves back and pulls me towards the opposite direction of our classroom. I don't say anything because other classes are going on and I don't want to make a scene. We are out in the parking now and Ivan takes out his keys and unlock his car. He opens the passenger door and gestures me to go inside, I do. He comes to his seat and close his door then he leans out his hand and I don't understand what he is asking for until he says, "phone". I give it to him without any arguments. He unlocks it and goes through the chats. His jaw is clenched and it appears like he is gonna murder someone. He doesn't give me my phone back and does something with his own. I just stare at him and watch him do whatever he is doing. I felt his breath on my lips again in the campus, the thought gives me butterflies and I pinch myself so as not to be diverted. "Are you done? Can we go to our class now?" "Yeah" Ivan says while handing my phone back to me. "I have synced your chats with Travis with my phone and you are not arguing. There are 7 minutes in this class to get over say all the explanation you have so that we can go for the second class." I have nothing to say, Absolutely nothing. I shrug and Ivan stares at me furiously. "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" "Dunno" how the hell did he get to the topic I am second most disturbed about right now. The first one is Ivan's confession. "We can spend it together if you want." "I thought you had plans". "Not  anymore" "Are you not supposed to go to Lowen then?" "No  that's okay" "Okay"..."Shall we go? Ivan nods his head and gets out of his car, I get out too and while we go for our class I feel a huge burden has eradicated from my heart.