All Over Again

Chapter 16

Wei Wuxian POV:

I look outside as Lan Zhan and Wen Ning continue to work on the shelter and talismans. I look down at my stomach and gently stroke it over my black and red robes, which were too dirty to even see the colors properly. I need to wash up. I need to talk to Lan Zhan, but, what do I say to him? He betrayed me, he left me, he threw me away, he hurt me, he nearly killed me and yet here I am, foolishly staying with him and risking even Qing-jie and A-Ning's life by staying in the Cloud Recesses. But I was so desperate for my child's well being that I completely neglected theirs.

I look down at my bandaged arms and sigh, a reminder that Lan Zhan knew what was happening to me and he approved of it back when I was locked up in the cell. I still couldn't believe that he let them lock me in a cell full of dogs, especially ones that were so huge, I had to see them eye-level. I still shudder at the mere thought of being close to him now. I wonder what fucked up shit I was thinking when I came in here to his place. I shake my head and sigh. Never mind. At least Qing-jie and A-Ning are safe for now. No one would suspect Lan Zhan. But.... but.... A possibility I never thought of came to my mind. What if Lan Zhan is the bait and they're trying to get back at me that way, trying to get back at me for something that was never my fault. And what if I've now fallen for the bait?

Wen Qing POV:

I observe and notice how he's lost in thought ad how his emotions are all over the place right now, I can see it in his eyes. The longing for closure, the need for touch and I could tell the pregnancy hormones are not helping him either. I sigh and step out into the courtyard where the stupid Lan boy was making some kind of shelter using A-Ning's help. I sigh again, I'm sighing a lot, unlike my usual self.

So many unanswered questions run through my head, yet, one I can't avoid no matter what is Why am I still alive? I question it over and over and over, but, I never seem to find a logical reasoning. I clear my head and tell myself to worry about the present, our current situation, whatever this is we have gotten ourselves into. Suddenly a little white bunny hops towards me out of some bushes and I feel myself cheer up a little, I did not fail to notice the way A-Ying's eyes light up at the sight of the little white bundle of fur.

I can see how badly he wants to pick it up and play with it but his hands... his entire arms were... I couldn't imagine Hanguang-jun, that stupid Lan boy, would let A-Ying actually be hurt so badly. I can easily tell that A-Ying doesn't fully trust him right now and I couldn't be more glad about it. That supposedly very high-esteemed man let my innocent little brother be thrown to the dogs, his worst fear and now he's all calm about it like nothing happened!

Lan Wangji's POV:

I was absolutely overjoyed when Wei Ying agreed to stay with me and honestly did not mind the presence of the other two for now. But I can see the lack of trust in my Wei Ying's eyes every time he looks at me, the fear I can sense in his entire form when I'm close to him. It aches my heart to know I've caused all this for myself but I couldn't help it, I did things without thinking and now I have to face the consequences. But the one question that's been on my mind is What happened to Wei Ying's arms and why they are completely bandaged? I was so curious about what happened but I know my place right now.

I don't understand why, after everything that's happened, I chose to trust my family over Wei Ying. I don't understand why I believed he would ever harm Xiongzhang but, it still doesn't make sense because he's the only person who uses the forbidden arts, demonic cultivation.

I am trying to tell myself that it's not him but at the back of my mind I can't help the doubts and questions swarming my mind. My heart wants to believe him, no... it believes him, but my mind, the logical part of me, can't seem to come up with another possibility or who else could possibly want to harm my brother. He has absolutely no enemies, atleast it doesn't make sense for him to have any.

I sigh as I work on making the shelter with Wen Ning's help for the three of them. I'm not sure if I would've brought Wei Ying back if I hadn't found out that he's pregnant. If I hadn't known he was carrying my child, I know for sure I never would've brought him back here or felt my heart soften even a little for him.

I know I've hurt him, yet I can't bring myself to completely trust him, and, it makes my heart hurt that I can't really give him what he needs right now, love and trust. Now, though, I prefer to listen to my mind rather than my heart.

I'm sorry, Wei Ying. But, I cannot be what you need anymore.

Little did I know it no longer matters to him whether or not I want to be by his side.