Is it so much to ask to simply find your place?
A place in society where you fit in and can feel contempt with what you have. Never wanting more or wanting less feeling as though you have found your place. I ask that. I ask it all the time.
At the start of the day i struggle to hop out of bed. Not because of having to face the cold, but of having to face the day ahead. Truthfully i lyethere for about 5 minutes wondering what it would be like to be able to lay there stuck in my dreams and let them play over and over again. Maybe in my dreams i will find my place be the one who has control over everything. I wish for that to get lost in my dreams and never wake up, but sooner or later reality snaps you back into place, the place you dont wana be and everything is bad again.
My two bestfriends jump from guy to guy and everyguy that comes along they 'love' its doesnt matter if they only just met them they are instantly hypnotized by them. I dont understand them. To me 'love' is more then a guy and a girl just sticking there tongues down each others throats. I think its a special connection one that takes more then a few days to create. Its both or you knowing each other yet i cant help but be jealouse of the realtionships they have. Sometimes i wonder if my expectations are to high. But once again its not always mine what do the guys see me as? am i to far into the friend zone? am i to out there? is it i dont hold back? what ever it is it drives me mad im the one who misses out on it and because of that im out of place amongst my friends.
im out of place, my smile never lasts, I want to break down and cry and i cant talk to anyone but expressing myself like this i can get it off my chest and most likely no one i know will read this :/
