Please, take my heart

17.) Fuck me more

I lie on my bed with my eyes wide open, tears glistening. I've awoken from the midst of a dream, and now I can't seem to regain control. My breathing is ragged, and despite the autumn chill, sweat beads on my temples and neck.

Clutching my pillow tightly, I wrap my arms around myself, unable to shake the longing.

“I want him back,” the words go again and again in my head.

Tears fall down my face slowly. They move on my skin and make it feel strange.

I do not laugh. I only sit in the dark and look at nothing. The dark feels quiet. It feels like the only place I can stay.

Then a memory comes. It does not come often, but tonight it comes.

It takes me back to the first time Travis and I had sex.

He came with me to a new city. I was nervous there, but he was with me, so I felt a little safe.

We walked inside a very clean and nice house. Everything looked arranged and calm.

We went into the first room. The room was very beautiful. Everything was silver and shiny. It looked like a fairy-tale room.

The bed was very big. It looked soft and nice. It looked like a bed for a king and queen.

I remember Travis leaning close to my ear.

“We’ll sleep with our kids here,” he whispered.

My face became very red.

“Kids won’t just appear from under the bed,” I said, teasing him a little.

“They’ll appear in the bed,” he said back.

My heart started beating fast.

I kissed him quickly. The kiss was strong and desperate. I wanted him so much in that moment.

When our lips touched, I felt him smile.

Very quietly I asked, “Shall we try?”

“Uhhuh,” he said.

“Please,” I whispered.

He kissed me again. The kiss was deep and warm. My legs felt weak.

Then he lifted me up easily.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

“If you are so desperate for me,” he laughed softly, “I will give you what you want. But I have a condition.”

“Anything, baby,” I said fast.

He smiled.

“We are not doing it in bed,” he said. “We are doing it against the door.”

“I don’t know if I can handle it,” I said honestly.

“But I can handle it. Don’t worry,” he said.

I smiled a little.

I started opening the buttons of his shirt slowly.

He pulled down the zip of my frock.

My bra fell down. My breasts were protruding out in less than a second and i remember his gaze, he looked so hungry for me, like he wanted to devour me and then brought his mouth there and bit me so hard, I had tears in my eyes. He didn't stop until I was begging him to but it felt nice, i think everything felt nice with him even if it wasn't nice. When he finally stopped he teased me by saying, is that all the strength you had earlier you were acting all tough and kissed my nipple, it hurt so much just with a faint touch of his lips and I let out a whimper and told him he can do whatever he wants to do to me, I just needed a second and he kept biting and licking me switching sides and pinching the other one at the same time. I felt like i would die from the pain but i didn't stop him, I kept screaming in pain, saying his name sometimes when he slid my panties in one go and told me to open the button to his jeans. I was too weak, I didn't have the strength but I still took a deep breath and did what he asked while I was dripping all over the length of my leg and my lower body was shaking like there was a vibrator inside of me,i had never felt like this, i think this is what everyone called an orgasm I felt like I was not here, like I was a wave going up and down up and down it felt so good but I couldn't totally live into it cuz I was still trying to open his button and I was afraid he will get irritated, when I was finally able to remove his jeans he slid into me in one go and I screamed so hard, my screams from before were nothing in front of this, he kept thrusting and biting my nipples at the same time and I couldn't stand anymore, I felt like i would die but i tried before he pulled out of me and came all over the floor, I finally fell down on the ground before he picked me up and took me out of the room.

Later we were on the porch.

We did it again there. I remember the coffee table nearby. It stood there like it was watching us.

It felt like my body was ripped to shreds and it ached so much but it was a good kind of ache, I didn't get up from my bed for an entire day after that, he left in the morning and after I did I tried touching me nipples, i couldn't, they hurt too much but I wanted to feel like that again but I fell asleep for a long time after that.

Now it is only a memory.

Morning came slowly. The sun started rising and golden light came over us.

I held him very tight.

I did not want to let go.

But he left.

And when he left, it felt like something inside me left too.
After that night, many nights I remembered his touch.

Sometimes I touched my own body and tried to remember how it felt when he touched me.

But the empty feeling stayed.
The ache did not go away.
Now I lie here again.
Tears keep falling.
And I understand something that hurts.
Without Travis, everything feels empty.

I cry into my pillow and hold it tight.
The pillow is the closest thing to his arms now.

My body shakes when I cry.

I wrap the blanket around me and hold it close.
Morning comes again.
The sun rises again.
The world outside is the same.
But inside me everything feels lost.

And I stay there, floating in the feeling of missing him.

He literally fucked me, ruined my life and right now I want him to fuck me more, he need to atleast come back for that.