Please, take my heart💋

Haunt me

CHAPTER 19*                                                                                                                  
As I open my quarter sleepy eyes I notice Ivan staring at me. I don't think he can notice my eyes are open to a very little extent. He is still massaging feet and we are in the same position. I think I dont have much fever now. I was having 103F before now it doesn't seem like more than 100. I open my eyes slowly and as soon as I make direct contact with Ivan he withdraws his gaze from me and looks at my feet. "Time?" My voice sounds like that drunk uncle on marriages I remember me and Travis used to make fun of them. The thought of Travis doesn't excite me anymore rather my heart drops. Ivan checks his phone and says, "1:03". I nod and get up. Ivan places his hand on my forehead and cups my face with the other. Then he gets up and hands me a water bottle. I drink the life I had been lacking and get up to shower. At this point I can smell odour from myself or maybe that's what I think, might be psychological, anyways I tell Ivan I am going to shower and he tells me he will prepare something to eat. I wonder if Ivan had been there all the time while I was sleeping. What was he even doing? I don't want to figure out the answer. I am practically sticky with sweat and as I come out of my clothes I realise my body ache has still not gone. I open my hair and enter into my bathtub. The water is too cold for me and I shiver just once. I spread my legs and arms in the tub and drown in my thoughts. I take my head underwater and try to hold my breath as much as I can. I count the seconds and my body keeps getting stiff 49..50..51..52 I am thinking of Travis now. I decide if I succeed in holding my breath for two minutesTravis will come back to me.60.. 61.. 62.. 63..  I feel like I am drowning right now I move my arms and legs and switch positions I am trembling but I won't give up.. I won't give up.. I won't give up when I had said anything for Travis I will mean it.. 89..90..91..92 and suddenly I feel dizzy like there are mountains on my head. I try to breathe as much as I can but it doesn't help. I am losing my breath and I am not able to control it. I stand in the bathtub and wear my robe I try to come out but instead my foot slips and at that time I call Ivan as loud as I can. My head it's the side of the tub and it hurts it hurts so much. I call for Ivan again and I know my bedroom door is locked. I hear the balcony door opening and just that moment everything blackens and I feel like I have lost all of my breath. The ghosts take me by the throat and I fall on my back in the bathtub and after that all I remember is drowning. --------I can feel something, I can feel something now by chest is heaving heavily and I am breathing, finally breathing nicely but I it feels like my nose is blocked. I feel something on my between my lips then it transfers air to me and my chest sways again. I open my eyes then and I see Ivan. He is out of breath and he is crying badly. I have never seen him shedding actual tears like this. After looking at me he starts crying even more. I realise I am in my room and I am laying on my bed whereas Ivan is on top of me. I suddenly remember I was drowning and that feeling gives me shivers. My throat doesn't feel good and I get a feeling I have fever but I get up and look at Ivan he is leaning his head back on the headboard and he is no longer on top of me but he is still crying. I say I am sorry but Ivan reacts like he didn't hear me. I say sorry again and he barely nods his head and get up from the bed to go to the balcony. I follow him there and see he is standing barefoot with his eyes closed and his chest breathing heavily. "What exactly happened?"  I ask him. What exactly happened inside the bathroom?" I tell him to go first and he says that he heard me calling for him and he figured something might be wrong. My bedroom was locked so he went into the balcony from the other room and fortunately the window was open then he came inside the bathroom which was unlocked and could not see me anywhere. He got panicked but suddenly he saw small bubbles in bathtub that's when he found me. He carried me to my bed then and checked my breathing rate. I wasn't breathing at that moment and he tried doing many things but they failed then he did CPR which finally made me conscious again. I tell him whatever happened inside ofc skipping the reason why I held my breath in the first place. He looks at me with pain in his eyes and asks me, "Do you like killing me everyday by purposely putting yourself into situations like these?" I shake my head immediately and he hugs me with a grip he has never used before. "I thought I was gonna lose you" and I figure out from his voice that he is crying again. His body is shaking and I hold him because I am afraid he is breaking down into pieces.