Carpet licking lesbos

Chapter 2: The Straight Disease

-

Im in bed right now... After I saw what I saw I ran all the way home.... Isnt Clyde supposed to be like... Gay? Whats going on, why is everyone straight and how haven't I noticed it before... Its so... So.... Annoying...

"You missed the part where you dragged me with you with no explanation whatsoever."

"Shut the fuck up jew! Cant you see im having a crisis?!"

Kahl groans and walks closer to me. "If I help you will you stop dragging me around everywhere while claiming you cant stand me?"

Well when he puts it that way it sounds like I can stand him. Stupid jerseys.

"I mean sure I guess..."

"You do know I can still hear your fucking thoughts right?"

I wish Kahl would die.

"I will literally shove my foot so far up your ass-"

"JUST HELP ME ALRIGHT" Jesus christ he was the LAST person who shouldve been able to read mah mind!!!

"Then you shouldve just stuck to your first plan, fatso."

Im not fucking fat im big bonned and he knows that im gonna fucking kill him one day!!!!

"STOP REFERENCING THE FIRST PART OF THIS AU YOU-"

"Why dont you try observing first, dumbass? Itd be easier to think up a plan if you dont rush into trying to make them kiss. You should know that better than anyone. Plus it took longer to-"

"Yes yes I get it Kahl. Id thank you but I hate jews, gingers and people from Jersey."

Kahl just stomps out of mah room and slams my door like he pays the bills in this house. Fuckin jew.

"I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!"

Then hurry up and leave, boy kisser!

Anyway now all I have to do is just watch meaning I gotta go back to skewl... Bummer.

-

"Have you seen Kyles ass? Its like two plump plums ripe and ready to be taken a bite out of..." Ill never get used to how Bebe describes Kahls ass.

Because of her its really hard to look at him without hearing Bebes voice in my head going, 'Two plump plums...' Its happening to Kinny, Stan and basically everyone else I talk to.

"Please stop talking about Kyle like that Bebe. If a man shouldnt ogle a woman then a woman shouldnt ogle a man." Wendy right on cue worrying about stupid gender norms.

"Im not ogling him im ogling his ass. Just look at it Wendy!"

"You have... A picture of it..? You just take pictures of his-"

"Not important. Look."

"N-no im not gonna-"

"Loook just look!"

"No I cant do that to Stan I love him!"

"Thats not what you were saying last week. You said he was narcissistic and only cared about himself and Kyles ass- I mean Kyle-"

"Im not looking at his ass, Bebe!"

"Just a peek just a little peek!"

I am for sure not the only one watching them now...

"No, Bebe!"

"Please, Wends, just look! Its so juicy!"

"Ew im not going to- Oh my god it totally is."

"What did I tell you???"

"This isn't right... You shouldnt be so obsessed with such a.... Man there is no right way to explain it.."

"Plump, huge, juic-"

"No."

"Aw.."

This is totally getting out of hand. I cant keep listening to this.... THIS is what they talk about all day...??? Kyels ass.....? That doesnt help me at all... I cant listening to this I need them to talk about the boys they kiss. This is getting me no where I should just go back-

"What about Clyde?"

Bingo!!

"Girl what about him? All I can remember is Cartman walking in on-"

"YES. Do not remind me you told me the details of that 6 times now."

No im curious... what are the details... Ugh focus Eric youre on a mission....

"Yeah sorry.."

"Bebe why are you dating him?"

"I-"

"And dont say free shoes."

"..."

"..."

No way. I can use this!!! Kahl was right! saying that hurt my soul.

Wait a minute... If this is what girls talk about normally.... What do they talk about all together..? At... Sleepovers...?

I need to kill a pig.

-

"Tell us what fucked up plan you have this time. And it better not end the world again." Why does Kahl have to keep bringing up Gay F@gs?

"Wait when did Cartman end the world?" Oh yeah this Stan has no memory of what happened then. And if you dont either than go check it out!

Gay F@gs by FyxkinMoron right here on Wattpad! Its unfinished but of course the ending is explained in the prologue!!

"STOP ADVERTISING IN YOUR HEAD TO THE READERS."

"Im really confused right now...."

"Stop confusing your boyfriend, Kahl!"

"HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND"

....Really? Seriously? Not... Not yet?

"No."

Sheesh talk about bitchless.

"Fuck you."

"Guys...?" Stan rubs his head. "I dont know whats happening right now... Its kind of making my head hurt..."

"Oh! S-sorry Stan!"

I half expect Kahl to rub Stans head but I stop thinking about it because Kyle looks like he wants to rip my head off my body.

Right! Mt plan!

"Remember when the girls had that fortuneteller device that we reallllyyyyy wanted?"

Kyel cringes. "Oh for fucks sake."