Please, take my heart💋

domestic and platonic

CHAPTER 25*                                                                                                 
This is my third shower of today, I am burning up and because I am taking a shower I am not wearing supplementary oxygen which is making me wheeze everytime I fucking breathe. I wipe up myself with a towel, wear a robe and as soon as I enter my bedroom I lay down on the bed with my arms and legs spreading all over the mattress. I know I should wear s.o. but I like it like this, I don't feel sick atleast in appearance. I close my eyes and try to process where I stand now. I hate Travis but I miss him like crazy, everytime, every second, everything reminds me of him. When I see my body, I imagine his hands all over it. When I see my house, I imagine him pinning me to every place he can. When I see the sky, I see the stars spelling out his name. When I see my playlists, I imagine him kissing with the pace of beats in each songs. When I see my eyes, I see the ocean of tears with his name. At this point I don't miss Travis, I miss his feeling. The feeling he has been giving me since I was three. My chest is paining and I don't want to wear a bra, I can't possibly stay without it the whole evening so I am just passing time laying on my bed. There's a knock on my door and I get up quickly. "Just a minute" "I hope you are not drowning" I roll my eyes the door and wear my baggiest t-shirt. It has a wide neck which matches my heavy bust perfectly and its of red colour. The sleeves reach till my elbow but it's length is barely till my waist. I slip on tight blonde shorts and tie my hair in a messy bun. I love this look on me, I look good, suddenly my mind flashes the pic Travis had sent me and all my confidence transforms into emptiness. "Mmm?" Ivan has been staring me since I came out of the room I know it might just be 4 seconds but the gaze was intense I feel a shiver in my body. He looks away for a moment and then looks at me with a sudden cute smile which definitely looks forced. He doesn't say anything and gets back to studying. I sit too and start mine----- I yawn and I think it's the millionth one. It's 2 a.m. , me and Ivan have been studying quite nicely but we're both drained right now and want to sleep. I am not getting up because I am afraid I will dream of Travis again it's better I exhaust myself to death. I don't fucking wanna be affected because of him anymore, I don't know why Ivan is not going to his room to sleep. I am too tired so I lean back on the couch and spread my arms. My hand brushes with Ivan and just after a millisecond when I was going to withdraw it back he grabs it. He slips his fingers into mine and leans back too. I know he is looking at me but I just close my eyes and the thrill of holding his hand in almost a romantic way give me thrills. "I know why you are not interested in sleeping but you can't get an exertion right now, you are already not well"  " I hate Travis"  I say with a clenched jaw and then he squeezes my hand. "But I miss him" A tear breaks it's way through my eyes and I  wipe as quickly as I can. He leaves my hand then and gets up, I get up too but he pushes me back and make me lay down on the couch then he brings a sheet and put it over me. "Change of environment is good" and I get a feeling of being so dumb. Everything with Travis happened in my bedroom, I should have actually tried sleeping somewhere else. "I can't sleep without hugging, bring my plushie" "Such a big human plushie is with you but you just gotta ignore the good things huh?" Just when Ivan is about to move towards my room I say, "I can't hug the big plushie while it's standing over head" Ivan walks to my room and says, "lame excuse". When he brings the plushie I take it but all I want is to be with Ivan I don't know why. "Do you want me to go?"  I finally gather some courage and say," you can lay down here if you want. "I hope you are not saying just because you want to kick me so that I fall after I am asleep. "Think whatever you wan--- Ivan lays down next me and pulls the sheet over him. We are both facing towards each other and since it's a couch there is hardly any space. I can feel his breath on my head and can even hear him breathing. Something is getting wrong in my body.  I keep my plushie under my head as a pillow but it's not comfortable so I take it out after a second. I turn my face to the other side and now I am facing the silky smooth couch's back. I suddenly feel an arm above my head and I take it. I feel like I having the best pillow right now. Ivan's another arm is next to my body but I feel like it's under me so I say, "keep your arm somewhere else, it's uncomfortable for me"  " which one?"  " Obviously not the one which is acting like my pillow"  " where do I keep the other one" I get frustrated then and say," on my fucking head" Ivan keeps his arm on my face then and I make an irritated sound. I grab his arm with my hand and keep it on my waist. I hug my plushie against my chest like Ivan his hugging me and after a moment I feel Ivan's hand over my stomach, something dances in it then and I fall into the best sleep I have had ever since I came to this city.