Random Diary

Swing

"Do you promise?"

"I do, I promise"

____________________

It's 2am, and after spending the last two hours playing with my reasons to live, my dogs, I slowly (to make no noise) left the house, running on the cold streets to the dog and children park in front of my house, even though I promise to not go there anymore at this hour. As soon as I get there, I put on my headphones and I sit on the swing, clicking play to listen to my favorite songs on spotify. I place my phone on the wet rocks that fill that space of the park, so my hands are free, I am free.

Am I afraid of people? Well, yes, but not right now, right now the world is empty, there's only birds, dogs sleeping in their comfy beds in the tall buildings that surround me, cats walking and running around on the streets, enjoying their life, bugs walking around with no purpose and rats that eat the crumbs of the plastic bags that people throw on the ground for no reason at all. The same people that are not here anymore.

I look up, the trees dance with the wind for the thousandth time today, but they don't get tired of it, maybe they enjoy it? I always thought what the birds, dogs, cats, bugs, rats and trees thought, do they think? Do they feel? People told me no and yes lots of times, but I'll never believe them, and never will.

Lost in my thoughts, random lines in my head that get me nowhere and are useless, where important enough to make me stop listening to the music for minutes, but that's okay.

I keep swinging like a child, so high, fast and easily that the adrenaline I felt when doing it the first time, years ago, got forgotten in the wet rocks and never got found again. Maybe it's only been some minutes, maybe some hours, but I should get back home, it's cold and boring now, I wish I could come here tomorrow before the sun goes out, but lots of people have the same ideas as me, so I'll keep just going at night.

I get a weird feeling on my chest as I stop swinging and I grab my phone. I promised, I never broke a promise, they're so important, why did I do that?
Fun? Stubbornness? I'm not like that.

I shrug that feeling off, walking back home slowly, my headphones on my neck as the music is still playing. Life is simple, if they find out, they found out, and there's nothing I can do about it. That's a selfish thought. Maybe I'm selfish, but that's okay, lot's of adults are selfish too and they get away with it.

I slowly walk back in, being greeted by my dogs who where probably almost asleep, but they never fail to make sure I'm safe and happy. I go upstairs, quickly, going into my room and taking off my shoes. I lay down and I get comfortable to finally sleep, but I can't. I can't sleep again. I'm bored and I can't think while I'm in here, closed.

I want to go back to the swing.