SVU in Chicago

A Break in the Case

El told me to meet him at a bar called Mollies that was a local favorite and owned by some firefighters that worked at Firehouse 51. He gave me the address and said he would be there around 7:00 pm. I was in the hotel room feeling very anxious about meeting El. I was suddenly worrying about my hair, makeup, and what I would wear. Amanda could sense my anxiety and stated, "So, what's it like seeing Elliot again? I know you two were very close when he was in New York. Did he really leave without saying anything?"

I sighed, "Yes, he left without telling me and I thought we were close. I thought we were closer than any two people could be that weren't romantically involved but I guess I was wrong. He claims he is going to explain everything to me, but I am not ready to hear any of it. I finally moved on from that time in my life and now all these memories and feelings are rushing back."

Amanda came over and sat on the bed next to me. "Listen, Liv. I remember how hurt you were when he left. I never want to see you go through that again. He must have meant a lot to you though for you to be that upset at him leaving so I think it is worth hearing what he has to say." I finally decided to wear blue jeans with a brown sweater that matched my eyes. I checked myself in the mirror one last time hoping to make Elliot regret leaving me and told Amanda goodbye.

I arrived about 30 minutes before 7:00 and looked around for table that would be somewhat private. I spotted Detective Lindsay from Elliot's squad sitting by herself and decided to go say hi. I smiled at her and said "Hey" as I sat down across from her. She looked up, realized who I was and said, "Hey Sergeant Benson." I told her I was meeting Elliot and asked her if she had any breaks in the case. She shook her head no and said they were researching boarding facilities and dog kennels within a 10-mile radius of Leslie Shay's apartment. Her phone then rang and she hesitated before answering, "Lindsay here." I couldn't hear what the other party was saying but based on her facial expression and look in her eyes, I knew it wasn't good. She then exclaimed, "You are unbelievable Mom! I knew you hadn't changed. You told me you were in rehab but that was obviously a lie. I will be there in 10 minutes." She hung up the phone and then glanced at me suddenly realizing I had heard her side of the conversation. Her cheeks blushed with embarrassment, and she said, "Sorry, you had to hear that. I must go. Nice talking with you." She went to get up and I reached out and gently grabbed her forearm. "Listen, I don't want to overstep but my mother was an alcoholic and I had to deal with similar problems. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. I know how alone I always felt, and it is a lot to deal with." There were tears accumulating in the corners of her eyes and she looked away so I wouldn't see them spill over. She whispered, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," before she quickly walked out.

Five minutes later, I spotted Elliot at the door, and he was looking around. I waved at him, and he headed to the table. "Hey Liv, I'm so glad you agreed to meet me. I really want to try and explain everything. I have been lost since I left New York four years ago and seeing you again has shown me why."

I could feel my cheeks flush at his statement. I responded, "Well, I want to hear you out even though you crushed my heart when you left." I could see pain in his eyes hearing my words. He cleared his throat and was nervously picking at a napkin. "Liv, I should never have left without telling you. I was a coward and feared losing my kids and scared to admit how I feel about you, so I ran away. I fell in love with you. I didn't think you felt the same way so rather than risk losing my kids, I left you to protect my feelings."

I was staring at him unsure if I had heard him right or how to respond. Did he say he loved me? I then glanced down at his left ring finger and noticed it was empty. I looked back into those icy blues and said, "You aren't wearing your wedding ring?" I could tell he was anticipating a different response from me and cleared his throat again, "Right, I'm not. Kathy and I divorced about a year after moving here. She realized quickly that it wasn't New York or even our partnership that caused us marriage problems. We just weren't each other's soul mates. We weren't compatible anymore and decided to separate. She likes Chicago though so wanted to stay here with Eli, so I stayed as well to be able to see him."

I felt dizzy with all these thoughts and emotions swirling around my head. I had been in love with Elliot for years but knew I could never have him so I tucked that away so we could still work together. I was trying hard to hold back tears, but they were spilling over when I said, "I don't think you will ever realize how much you hurt me by leaving. I had to go through the worst time in my life without you and that almost killed me. I appreciate you explaining to me why you did it, but it will take time for me to trust you again."

He then reached across the table and grabbed both of my hands with his. I had goosebumps all over at the feel of his touch accompanied by instant desire. Damn him. I knew staying angry at him was never going to work since I knew I was still in love with him. No one else I had ever met had this effect over me. "Liv, I am so sorry for what I did, and I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Seeing you again instantly brought all my feelings back and I realized I can't live without you. I want to come back to New York. I still love you. I never stopped loving you."

I was trying my best to hold back the tears, but they were running down my cheeks as I listened to his words. He then stood up and his hands were on my face cupping my cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. There was sincerity in his eyes as I looked up at him. I had such a hard time believing that he loved me as much as I loved him. He smiled now with concern in his eyes and said, "I am so sorry I hurt you." He then looked down at my lips and was leaning in closer and I knew he was going to kiss me. I closed my eyes wanting to feel his lips on mine and to know what he tastes like with desire burning in my core. I felt his lips brush mine when suddenly my phone rang causing me to flinch and back away. I picked up my phone from the table and answered in a flustered voice, "Sergeant Benson." Elliot sighed and rubbed his face with his hand clearly bothered by the interruption.

Detective Dawson responded, "Hey Sergeant. We might have a break in the case. Animal Care and Control of Chicago is located 8 miles from Shay's residence. She said she heard a lot of barking dogs so possibly she was being kept near there. We plan to investigate the area in the morning."

I replied, "That's great Dawson. My team will meet you there 8 am tomorrow morning."

I hung up the phone and looked back at Elliot. I told him about the possible lead, and he looked relieved to finally have a possible break in the case. I told him that I needed to get back to the hotel to get some rest. I reached out and squeezed his hand and told him I would see him tomorrow. He seemed to stand there frozen not sure how to react to what almost happened. As much as I wanted to be with Elliot, there was too much still that needed to be discussed so I was thankful for the interruption.