Little Old Me 《Criminal Minds × MCU》Paused

II. Flashes of the past.

Okay, so quick authors note, I'm going to do small scenes from their life on the mission because I'm lazy and don't know how to make a plot for this chapter. Shocker I know. Anyways, enjoy my horrid writing ✍️

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  How long had they been on the plane? Natasha had lost track a while ago, but she had already had to change and feed Liliya multiple times. Now that they were on a public plane, she had to quickly fall into her motherly role. She was tired. She didn't want to admit it, but she was. One of the best, could practice for hours and still beat almost every single Widow she fought, yet she was tired after taking care of a baby. It was embarrassing. She guessed she was overestimated, but still, she wasn't supposed to need breaks. That's not what she had been trained for. The Soldier next to her, had barely done anything since they left the facility in the early morning, but every once and a while she would see him looking at the baby. Liliya was peacefully sleeping in her car seat. It was pink and frilly almost, like most of the baby things they had been sent with. They were supposed to pose as a well off couple with their first kid, so it made sense that they would have nice things for her. But Natasha knew it didn't change how horrible the baby was treated. Not until she was put in her care. No, Natasha was a good "mother". She rocked and fed her, and when nobody was around, she smiled at her. Her persona was cracking fast, all because of a little baby. It made how she felt about Liliya complicated. Everything this baby was making her feel went against her training.

  Liliya's eyes cracked open again, and both of them looked at her. She started to squirm, and Natasha held her breath slightly. She couldn't deal with a tantrum right now, but that didn't stop Liliya from starting to wail. God, she was loud, Natasha thought to herself.
  She tiredly picked up the baby and checked to see if she needed to be changed. She didn't, and she wasn't hungry. Natasha pursed her lips as she tried to calm the now almost screaming infant. She could feel people looking at her now, including the Soldier.
  "Come on, Lily." She whispered, hoping to calm her. Liliya was not effected by the silent plead. Suddenly she felt an arm on her shoulder. She nearly jumped. She turned to see the Soldier. She was unmoving as she looked at him. He seemed almost unsure of himself, as he handed her a soother. The fucking soother, Natasha cursed herself for forgetting it. She took it from him, and placed it in Lily's mouth. After a moment, the infant started to quiet. No way that worked, she thought to herself, as the Soldier continued to watch. She nodded a silent thanks to him, which he returned and cradled the baby to her chest. Would he be annoyed? Would he tell them about the struggle she was having adjusting? She could only pray that he wouldn't and try to ignore the softer look the Soldier had when looking at her and the baby.

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Natasha was getting better. Better at this whole mother thing, that is, because there was no way she'd be okay when this was her life. On the outside of the household, she looked like the perfect housewife. By seven thirty every morning she was up and making breakfast, as her "husband" got ready to go to work. By the time he left to go to work, she was already taking care of her daughter. After she'd work out at home, clean, garden and then study to further her education. Liliya was a pretty chill baby, which made doing this much easier.
  However, on the inside, she was crumbling. The perfect persona of a skilled Widow cracking and built back up every day. She found herself clinging to her daughter and stealing glances at her husband. And, the weirdest thing was, she often found him doing the same. The Winter Soldier, her soldier, her James. It was odd thought, even more odd then Lily being hers and just like with Lily, she rather liked the thought. She could almost  pretend that her name really was Natasha Peterson, that she was actually married to a man named James, who loved her and their daughter Lily.
  And everytime she built up that wall again, her foundation grew weaker under the pressure. Three months, that's how long she'd been here. Twelve weeks, two hundred and eighty eight hours, and about Seventeen thousand two hundred and eighty minutes. Every second that ticked, every moment that passed, she felt herself slipping. Or maybe it was what was shoved into her head that was slipping so quickly, part of her hoped so.
  The other part was terrified, what would her handlers think of her growing weak? When she went back to the red room, like she knew should would, she wouldn't make it. She wouldn't be the best anymore because she would only be able to think of what she could have had. It was destroying her and she almost liked it.