an imitation of us

Part 3

chapter 18, the night you weren't there.

Staying with Olivia was a dream come true. I never wanted to leave. I never was going to leave. We hung out all day everyday and never ran out of things to talk about. I'm not one who'll kiss and tell– but things with Olivia were just going wonderfully. I got so used to sleeping right next to her, I didn't think I could sleep without her, and I was right. Liv spent a night with her grandma. If only I could've gone. But, grandma was a pretty traditional lady, and god forbid two people of the opposite sex have a sleepover. I guess I'm going to hell because a night without Olivia was nearly impossible. She shouldn't have left me. That night I discovered something very interesting. Not interesting in a good way, interesting in the way that I will forever remember that moment, how it looked, sounded, smelled, and how it hurt. When Liv was gone it was just me and her mom at the house. I was up in Liv's room watching a movie and I heard Sarah having some sort of anxiety attack from across the hall. I went to check on her, to find her crying in Olivia's bathroom. "What's going on?" I asked, trying to sound calm and reassuring, hoping it'll help the situation somehow. "Livvy hasn't been taking her medicine. I don't know why she didn't talk to me about this". Her medicine? I asked myself. Since when does she have medicine she needs to take? This was all news to me. "I'm sure it'll be just fine, people go days without taking medicine all the time!" I didn't know what to do, or what to say, so I just pretended like I knew what was going on. But Sarah looked at me like I had two heads. The silence in the room rang in my ears. Something even more embarrassing than being publicly humiliated, is being silently shamed. "Honey, we aren't talking about allergy pills. We're talking about what's currently saving my daughter's life," she said while trying to remain calm, even though I could see her legs shaking from across the room. What could she possibly mean? My mind was racing with thoughts as if they were jigsaw pieces desperately begging to come together. The calendar, doctors appointments, the pills, the lies. What does it mean? This has driven me absolutely insane in the span of 4 minutes. "Hugo, honey are you okay?" I can hear Sarah's words perfectly and clearly, as well as I can hear my own, but only in my head. I try to speak but my throat is just swollen shut. What was I supposed to say? That I hope her lying mess of a daughter does die? That's not true– I think. Or at least, I hoped. I didn't want to want Olivia to die. But the world has little to no room for any more liars. "What do you mean? Not to sound rude, but why does her life need saving to begin with?" I finally asked and immediately had to swallow or else I felt my throat would close up for good. "Oh! I'm sorry. I will keep my mouth shut, this is Liv's news. I guess I thought she had already talked to you about it. She and I will talk when she gets back home. It's nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about? Is she serious right now? I respect Sarah deeply but when I closed my eyes I imagined throwing all those worthless pills in her face and pushing her against the hard, cold, tile wall until her head bled. That might sound a little crazy, I know. But remorse never even crossed my mind at that point. Olivia was sick. I'm not sure what kind of sick she was. It was some sort of physical issue she had been hiding, and lying to me about. But despite that, Olivia was sick. She was a sick, nasty, cruel girl who has made me look stupid for the last time. Was I in love with Olivia? Or was I simply in love with the picture painted of her in my head?

chapter 19, a poem for you, mom.

02\6\98

I've seen sun,

And I've seen rain.

I've had fun,

And I've felt pain.

I have more love for you than myself,

It's insane.

Growing up with you has been life in heaven,