PTSD

Chapter 28 : Good or bad news

Chapter 26

The next day...  

Riker POV

Mark decided to take us on a surprise flight to a surprise vacation. I was so excited. This is like our first vacation as a family!

And dad will have no clue where we are, so we should be completely safe.

He rented a beach house for us in California for a few days. Ross immediately wanted to go surfing, so Mark gave him money to go rent a surfboard.

Mark and I sat on towels on the sand, watching Ross.

"Why don't you want to go surfing?" Mark asked.

"It's not that I don't want to. I love surfing, but it takes a lot of concentration, and I don't know if I have that right now. Plus, if I have a panic attack and then get knocked underwater by a wave, I might have trouble holding my breath and start choking on water. I'm just anxious. So I think I'll just stay on land for now. With you."

He put his arm around me loosely.

Ross looked like he was having so much fun. I kind of wish I was going surfing too...

Mark's phone started ringing.

"I'll be right back. It's the police," he said, standing up.

He walked to the back door of our beach house and went inside. Before we got here, Mark was able to talk to the police to arrange for a police officer to sit outside our beach house while we're here, just in case. I think he asked for it because of me, to make me feel better.

Ross came back to shore and carried his surfboard over. I handed him a towel and he sat down next to me.

"Where's Mark?" He asked.

"Inside. The police called. Probably about dad."

"I hope they just find him already."

"Me too."

Ross and I sat together on the beach for a while, and then finally Mark came back.

"We need to talk, boys," he said, sitting down across from us.

"Is it about dad?" Ross asked.

"Yes."

"Did they find him?"

"Yes... He's dead."

Ross and I were both silent. I don't think either of us ever imagined that's what he was going to say.

"So what does this mean?" I asked.

"This means that you never have to worry about him kidnapping you or hurting you ever again."

"I can actually enjoy this vacation now," I said.

"Are you kidding me!?" Ross yelled.

"What?" I asked.

"He was our dad, Riker. He might not have always treated us great, but he was still our dad. You're happy he's dead!?"

"I'm happy that I don't have to worry about him."

"God, Riker. He was our dad! I was worried about him too, but I would never wish he was dead!"

Ross got up and started walking back to the beach house.

"Ross!" I yelled.

"Let him go. He needs time to process this," Mark said.

Ross slammed the door on his way inside.

"Is it wrong for me to be glad he's dead?" I asked.

"No, Riker. You can feel however you want to feel. Ross can too. There's no right or wrong way to feel."

"But he hurt us! He kidnapped us, and hit us, and-"

"Riker, calm down. You're making yourself upset."

"I wasn't trying to say I was glad he was dead! I was just trying to say I was glad I wouldn't have to worry about him hurting any of us anymore!"

"I know. It's just a lot right now, Riker. Ross needs time to think ok?"

I sighed.

"Are you glad he's dead?" I asked.

"I'm glad he won't be a threat to any of us anymore."

I climbed onto his lap and clung onto him.

"I didn't want him dead, I just wanted to be safe!" I said, starting to cry.

Mark sighed and wrapped his arms around me.

"Riker, I know you would never wish for anyone to be dead. It's ok."

"How did it happen?"

"He was driving really fast and crashed into a tree."

I wiped my tears.

"I'm glad you're my dad now. And I'm glad he's not here anymore to mess it up."

I calmed down again. But I stayed on Mark's lap, holding onto him tight.

"Are you really glad that you adopted us?" I asked.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I act like this, and panic. And Ross panics now too. And I've been fighting a lot with him lately."

"Riker, those aren't reasons to not want to adopt you."

"I just get worried that maybe you had second thoughts."

"No. Never. I love you two. Even if you both get panic attacks and fight with each other. It's been hard for these past few weeks. Life isn't ever going to be perfect. I don't expect perfection, Riker. I love you two just the way you are, ok?"

"Ok... I can't believe Ross is upset that he's dead."

"Maybe he just has a different perception of your dad than you do. You said you were always the one protecting him and getting the worst of it, right?"

"Yeah."

"So since Ross didn't get as much punishment as you, maybe he just feels differently than you do."

"Oh... Yeah, I guess... Is it bad that I'm kinda glad he's dead?"

"No. He traumatized you, Riker. He made you develop PTSD. You didn't deserve any of that. Personally, I'm glad he's dead too. That's what he deserved."

"So I'm not an awful person for being glad he's dead?"

"No, Riker. Definitely not."

"Do you think I won't be anxious anymore now?"

"If you're asking if I think your anxiety will just magically disappear, no, I don't. But I do think it will start getting better, and maybe you can finally start healing from this."