01| Doll

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Sitting in my friend's café, where I sometimes volunteer, I found myself lost in deep thought, wishing I could turn my life back to 2012

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Sitting in my friend's café, where I sometimes volunteer, I found myself lost in deep thought, wishing I could turn my life back to 2012. Life nowadays sucks. I’m all depressed; it’s not like I want a flowery garden, just the peacefulness of my teenage years.

It was 6 PM, and I sat in the café, stirring my coffee with a small steel stirrer, my gaze fixed on the outside world in which I don't fit in and never would. I tried to stay calm, but tears started welling up in my eyes. I never wanted to date this dickhead, and I shouldn’t have!

I found my boyfriend kissing my best friend, and yet he didn’t apologize. Instead, he spoke so harshly to me. I have never even raised my voice at him, and he? He broke my heart with his words even more.

I remembered the words he said that shattered me: “You haven’t even kissed anyone except your father, and that too on the cheek.”

“Do you even belong to this world? You are no fun.”

“Just admit that you are asexual! And I can’t date an asexual; you don’t even initiate a kiss yourself.”

I wore this suit especially for him today, so we could go and pray at the mandir together. I know I am just 19, but I wanted to marry him. I thought he was a good man who loved me and wanted to marry me. But he said, “Look at your best friend Anaya. She is much sexier than you! She would look better in this suit than you!”

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