𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 » j.g × j.w [ON HOLD]

s i x t e e n

j o h n n i e

tw; hinting at sa

there's a knock on my door followed by an old man's voice. "johhnie, are ya awake?"

i hesitate for a second before responding. "yes?"

a well dressed man, probably in his late fifties, enters my room. "i'm dr. caldwell, i'm one of the psychiatrists on this unit!" he says cheerfully. "let's go to one of the offices to chat," he says, gesturing for me to follow him.

i hesitantly get off of my bed and slowly start to follow him. dr. caldwell seems patient. as hesitant and slow as i am, his smile doesn't falter. it seems genuine.

not many people are like that with me.

as we start to make a way to an office, he tries to make small talk. "no roommate, huh?"

"my roommate is a sick fucker," i say. "he deserves the deepest part of hell." i glance at dr. caldwell. he looks like he's trying to process what i just said. he's like that all the way to the office.

"take a seat anywhere you'd like," he says as he closes the door.

"what are you doing?" i ask, my heart beginning to race.

"johnnie, you know you're my favorite out of everyone, right?" bryan says, as he locks the door.

he's coming towards me in a way that terrifies me, causing me to back into a corner.

tears stream down my face. "p-please let me go," i plead. "PLEASE."

"johnnie, are you okay?"

my chest hurts and i'm hyperventilating. dr. caldwell gives me space before saying, "what do you need?"

"p-please.." i try to say, "le-eave.. the door.. op-pe-pen."

i grip the railings to the seat till my knuckles go white.

"for confidentiality, i cannot leave it open, but i will crack it."

i close my eyes and nod. "thank you," i whisper softly. i can feel tears in my eyes and they burn.

"johnnie, i am going to take a seat at the computer. is that okay?" he asks.

i nod once more and begin taking deep breaths.

once i somewhat gather my composure, i release the the railings and open my eyes.

"do you need anything before we begin?" he asks, a look of concern on his face. i shake my head.

"the nurses have informed me already of what happened the other day. i am not going to ask you about that unless you're ready."

i shake my head. "it was hard enough telling one of the nurses. i don't wanna talk about it or even think about it right now," i say, my voice quivering ever so slightly.

"i am so sorry you went through that. someone once hurt my daughter and it took all the strength in me to not go and kill that man," dr. caldwell says. a vein above his right eyebrow is bulging.

he takes a deep sigh before continuing.

"we will go through why you're here a different day. let's just keep it light and simple- how are you adjusting here so far?"

i take a deep sigh. "when the guy who hurt you is on the same unit as you, it makes you fearful that he might do something. other than that, it's no different than any other facility i've been to. except i guess i made a friend or whatever here. he's cool, i guess."

dr. caldwell nods. "is it hard for you to make friends?"

without looking at him, i reply, "yes."

"you're not supposed to 'make friends' but i believe treatment is easier if you have someone by your side in the facility, y'know?"