She Brought Home What?!

Prologue

By th'way, Mike is a girl

Mike's POV

"Backpack, check. Ice water, check. Everything else I'll need, check." I mumbled sorting through the bag I was taking with me. Here I'll explain what's going on to you voices inside my head, right now my mom's away on a working vacation, with our maternal grandparents, so my mom -being the nice person she is- left me and Lily at our grandparents' house, on our own, for a whole year with only a credit card and our allowances. She offered to bring us along, but I adamantly refused, ranting about school and friends, basically whatever points Lily had come up with earlier and shared with me, and a few of my own. It's been a week since she left and every day at noon I'd gather some food, water and other stuff, throw it into a backpack and walk to the bog from our home, its good for exercise because its a good hour away, unless I'm sprinting then -if my stamina was higher- I could probably make it in under twenty.

"Okay, Lily, I'm off the find the Akatsuki kittens," I called up to her, she was probably in her room working on a art commission, the normal -if she wasn't planning fan-fiction and other stuff with me. Opening the door I heard a audible slapping noise, just an average day, well so far at least. Little did I know, Kami-hime and Jashin-sama had prepared a few little surprises...

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I kicked a branch out of the way, grumbling slightly as I continued my search through the forest. It was around five by now, according to my watch at least, and despite the fact that I would normally be back by now. Well... I got a little lost, this is actually something very unusual for me as I had explored every inch, well more like centimeter, of this place. Yet this time, this one time, I got lost. You see, I had been taking my normal route when -ladtidoo ladtidah-, I see this weird gold thing. Well, you know that whole cartoon thing, with the angel and the demon, well that happened to me, except it was only the demon, and he looked like this epic cloak dude I'd seen once. Apparently he was Jashin. 'Awesome'  had been the first thought to come to mind. Anyways, Jashin-sama told me to follow the gold thing, so I did; I mean who wouldn't? It's f*ck*ing Jashin-sama. Of course, I waited a few seconds until the gold thing began disappearing. As it turns out, following weird gold things in the middle of a forest is not a good idea -heh, should've figured that out when there was only Jashin.

Now here I am, lost in a forest that I'd explored thousands of times, all thanks to Jashin-sama. He really should apologise. Back to the story! I picked up the stick and smirked, imagining it was a sword, before facing an ash tree (I had long since disregarded the fact that there were no ash trees in the bog), imagining the tree was Jashin, I began stabbing, punching, kicking and shouting any abusive and offensive words I could think of at it.

"Stupid Jashin... Sama... D*MN*T!! Stupid respect towards him!" I cursed my yelling getting louder until I abruptly stopped, feeling like someone was watching me. Turning around with my stick held in a fighting position I saw nothing, except a box flying at my nearly too fast for me to follow. Trying to move my stick in time to stop the box -'cause that'll totally help-, the tip was caught, bending the stick to stab my side. A different pein (~see what I did there?~) reached me right after -the pain of something blunt hitting you full-force. Meh, I'm lucky I didn't end up with any broken bones. Squeezing my eyes shut as the pain hit me I had enough sense to drop the stick and grab onto the box... Because for some reason that's the smart thing to do. After a second the pain stopped as though I hadn't just been hit by a box, moreover when I opened my eyes again I could clearly see the heavy box I'd have to lug back to my grandparents' house. Though that's not important, I mean it is but not right now -even if it is still important right now...  I'm making no sense right now am I? Moving on, what is important however is the fact that I'm back on the path that you take to enter or leave the forest from if you want to seem like a normal person. Yeah, I never take this path so I'm thoroughly surprised I'm on it. Soon, my eyes widened in shock and fear, my heartbeat faster than ever.

~Mike is not surprised she teleported, just that she is on the normal person path~

"N-N-NOOOOOOO!!!" My scream gained the attention of the non-existent passerby, "I-I'm on the normal person path!!!" I proceded to drop the box, hearing it crunching on the pebbles and let out several mewls of surprise, and try to run in circles only to trip over said mewling box. Wait, mewling box? Even in my world of pure insanity there is no such thing as mewling boxes.

Could it be... Could it be that I've finally found... Found the Akatsuki kittens?

"I need to show Lily," I gasped.

(Somewhere Back Home)

Lily sneezed, her strawberry blond hair flying in front of her face. Using her 'twin powers', she knew it had to do with Mike and couldn't stop the hand that flew towards her face.

"Now look whats happened, I messed up the commission." The blond murmured, her face twisting into a scowl, "whatever Mike did this time had better be good, and she'd better have some chocolate for making me mess this up."

With a quiet pop a smiling figure appeared by Lily's shoulder, looking miffed by the blonde's lack of enthusiasm over what was coming. "Don't worry," the figure said smiling. "It will be." Lily jumped at the unexpected voice, then turned around calmly and looked at the lady that was now floating behind her. She then face-palmed, grumbled some intelligible curses, and looked balefully over at the figure.

"Of course... Pleasure to meet you, Kami-hime."

(Back in the bog)

I felt a immense surge of power behind me, now, a normal person would shit their pants and run. However, as I am not a normal person (despite being on the despised normal person path) and I am lying face first on the ground, I am unwilling to shit my pants and too lazy to get up and run. So, lets use my number one alternative. I rolled over, off of the gravel path, and tilted my head towards Jashin-sama.

"Well, if it isn't umm, what's your name again?" I visibly sweat-dropped (somehow, even though this is real life not anime) at Jashin, even an almighty god can't remember my name? Wow, just wow. "Wait!" Well, saying 'wait' was pointless, it's not like I'm going anywhere. "As the almighty god that you respect, I hereby decree that your name is Mike!"

"Umm, what's he going on about?" I whispered to the invisible person not standing next to me. I know that everyone forgets my real name so they call me Mike. Yes, it's a boys name but I can't do anything about it, its the only name that people can remember. Raising my voice to address Jashin I spoke once more, "To compensate for not knowing my name you will teleport me back home, immediately peanut!!"