One Direction One-Shots (Book 1)

Zayn ⚠️self-harm⚠️- Ziam

i'm back- sorry i haven't updated in a while- as i said a couple days ago, ive been in the hospital for mental health related issues, and ive had no time or motivation- sorry

**theres a moment of Lirry bromance in here lol**

!TW!: descriptions of self harm, blood, cursing, angst, panic attack description, mention of past ED-

if this story with trigger you in any way, please do not read. 

*i know that sh is not only cutting, and not only on someone's arms/wrists. i'm just writing from personal experience,*

-

Liam's POV- 

"Thank you London!" I yell into the microphone. I run to where the rest of the boys are standing. We bow, and run backstage.

"That crowd was amazing!" Louis says smiling. 

"Yea! I reckon that was the loudest crowd we've had, ever!" Niall replies, sitting down on the couch. I sit down next to him. 

We continue discussing how amazing the concert was, but I notice that Zayn hasn't said a word. I get up, and walk over to the chair that Zayn is sitting in. 

"Zayn," I whisper, tapping his shoulder. He looks up at me with a sad expression. "Oh love, what's wrong?" I ask. He just looks back down. "Are you upset that your voice cracked?" I ask, trying to figure out what's bothering him. He sighs and nods his head. "Babe, it's ok! I'm sure no one even noticed. Hell, I barely noticed!" I say, trying to cheer him up. He chuckles a bit, and I smile. 

"Alright boys! The bus is ready for you!" Paul yells from down the hall. We all stand up, and make our way to the bus. 

Zayn's POV- 

I can't sleep. Liam and I decided to go to bed 45 minutes ago, and while Liam has already fallen asleep, I haven't. 

I open my phone to twitter, and look through my mentions. 

"@ZaynMalik why would they put a terrorist like you in 1D!"

"has @ZaynMalik gained weight. he looked kinda hefty on stage tonight."

"go kys @ZaynMalik" 

"@ZaynMalik has the worst voice in 1D by far"

A few tears roll down my face as I continue reading the hundreds of tweets. 

I slowly shuffle out of mine and Liam's bunk, trying not to wake Liam, and carefully walk to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. 

I keep reading the tweets, digging my nails into my forearm. The pain, is weirdly... relieving? But my nails aren't enough. 

I spot Harry's backpack out of the corner of my eye, and I start looking in it for something sharp. 

I find a pencil sharpener, and I take the blade out. 

Immediately I press the blade to my wrist, and drag it across. The pain replaces the sadness, and stress I'm feeling. 

I continue making cuts. 

For being a terrorist, for being a bad singer, for gaining weight, and for letting down our fans.

Suddenly, I'm startled by a knock on the door. "Zayn? Are you in there?" 

Shit. It's Liam. 

"Y-Y-Yea Li, I'll b-b-be out in a s-sec," I say, my voice shaking. "Zayn, what's going on?" Liam asks in a worried tone. "Nothing Liam, give me a sec." I insist. I hear him sigh, and walk away.