Polaroid | Suna Rintarou

14: In the Balance

Sitting in my room, I found myself reflecting on the pivotal decision that had been made months ago. The offer to join EJP Raijin, a professional Division 1 team in Japan's V.League, was the culmination of years of tireless effort and dedication. It was an opportunity I had been yearning for, a chance to elevate my career to new heights.

Shizuoka Prefecture, the home base of the team, loomed large in my mind. It was there that I would begin this new chapter of my life, far from the familiar surroundings of Hyogo. Despite the distance, I couldn't shake the sense of excitement coursing through me.

What made the prospect even more enticing was the knowledge that she would be by my side. Her unwavering support and selflessness had been a constant source of strength for me, and I was grateful beyond words for her willingness to accompany me on this journey.

[Reader]'s decision to pursue her own dreams of studying photography in college only added to my admiration for her. Her talent behind the lens never failed to astound me, and I found myself in awe of her passion and dedication.

Glancing around my room, I was greeted by a multitude of photographs—snapshots of our shared experiences and cherished memories. Among them, one particular image stood out as a stolen moment captured in the soft glow of the setting sun. It was a reminder of the day I had first realized my feelings for her, a moment frozen in time that I carried with me wherever I went.

Lost in my thoughts, I was abruptly pulled back to reality by the insistent ringing of my phone. With a sense of anticipation, I reached for it, half-expecting to see [Reader]'s name flashing on the screen. Instead, it was her mother's voice that greeted me, her tone tinged with worry and concern.

As I listened to her words, a wave of relief washed over me. Everything was falling into place, just as we had planned. [Reader] and I would embark on this new adventure together, our paths intertwined in ways I could never have imagined.

But as quickly as the relief came, it was replaced by a growing sense of unease. Something in her mother's voice hinted at trouble, and my stomach churned with apprehension. With a sinking feeling in my chest, I braced myself for what was to come.

The journey to the hospital felt like an eternity, each passing moment laden with uncertainty and dread. My mind raced with a thousand questions, each more terrifying than the last. What if [Reader] was seriously injured? What if I never got the chance to tell her how much she meant to me?

As I arrived at the hospital, I was met with a scene of chaos and despair. [Reader]'s parents, usually so composed and stoic, were visibly shaken, their faces etched with worry and fear. My heart sank at the sight of their distress, a heavy weight settling in the pit of my stomach.

Approaching them tentatively, I braced myself for the worst as [Reader]'s father began to speak. His words, delivered with a trembling voice, painted a grim picture of the accident—the severity of [Reader]'s injuries, the uncertainty of her condition. With each detail he shared, my world seemed to crumble around me, the enormity of the situation hitting me like a tidal wave.

In that moment, all I could think of was [Reader]—her laughter, her smile, the way she lit up a room with her presence. The thought of losing her, of a future without her by my side, was more than I could bear. I felt as though I was standing on the edge of a precipice, teetering on the brink of an abyss.

We built a home from future tense:

we will, we will, we will.

The walls were made of promises,
the windows faced tomorrow.

Then fate arrived
carrying a silence neither of us had named.

Now every dream stands in the doorway
holding its breath.

The years we sketched together
tremble like photographs in a fire—

not gone,

not saved,

only waiting

to learn which way the wind will turn.

Despite the overwhelming fear and despair, a glimmer of hope flickered within me. I clung to it desperately, willing it to grow stronger with each passing moment. [Reader] was strong, resilient. Surely, she would pull through this. Surely, our future together was not lost.

And so, as I waited anxiously in the hospital corridor, my heart heavy with the weight of the unknown, I held onto that hope with all that I had. For in that moment, it was all I could do.