Insurgence [h.s]

nineteen

Alouette bolts out of the room without even bothering to give Harry one last glance. She feels nauseous, and her head hurts. Get yourself together, she tells herself. She can't freak out—not right now, not where Harry can see. She doesn't know what to make of anything he's told her. Her father was never like that—he was the kind of person that protected others, that fought for others. He would've never used and discarded anyone. He would've never sought out a sixteen-year-old and made him risk his life or his sanity, no matter who that sixteen-year-old may have been. He would've never—Get yourself together. Everyone is a bird. Everyone is a bird.

She can't think about this now. Elijah is awake—Elijah can talk. That's all that should matter—she's one step closer to finding her sister. Compared to this, everything else should be small and unimportant, even if it makes her feel sick. Even if it hides secrets about her father she's never wanted to discover. Get yourself together. Everyone is a bird. She'll freak out—later. She'll see how much of this she can trust, she'll let it destroy her, but—later. First, she has to speak to Elijah. She has to find out how much he knows, how much he's willing to tell her. Afterwards, she'll go back to her room and scream and break down and cry and do all the things she does when she lets Harry get the best of her. She just has to hold it together until then.

She needs some clarity, some distance, so that she'll get to think of what she was told clearly, without being haunted by the look on Harry's face while he was speaking the words. She's glad he doesn't follow her out—though, how could he? He's wearing bed clothes and a robe—he's confined to his rooms. For the first time since she was taken back to the Palace, she doesn't have to worry about crossing paths with him in the corridors. It feels a little bit like freedom, though she knows it's nowhere near.

Alouette makes her way to Elijah's room in the middle floors. She tried to convince Jackson to move him to the top floors last night, but he refused. She knows it's a matter of safety and he's just doing his job, but still. This is Elijah. It feels like betrayal. She hasn't told them, but only some weeks ago he chose to go against Ezra to help Harry, just because she'd asked him to. It doesn't feel right to see him treated like a criminal now, but maybe it's what he truly is to the Palace. After all, when he chose to help Harry he didn't do it for him, but for her, and she may have access to the upper floors and be allowed to step foot outside, but she isn't foolish enough not to know she currently is one of the Palace's most valuable prisoners. It's logical for Jackson to assume that whoever is on her side isn't on theirs.

When she enters the room, Jackson and Brooks are already there. They're not saying a word, but the glare Jackson is sending his brother makes it clear they've just argued. Since they came back, he's been picking on him constantly. The fact that Brooks came out to Greenside for her even knowing it would anger Jackson makes her appreciate his action even more. The willowy figure of one of the Palace's doctors is standing next to the bed, speaking to Elijah in low tones, but she goes silent in the instant Alouette walks  in.

Elijah is lying down on the bed, one leg in a cast and propped up on some pillows. He seems confused, and he's barely paying attention to the doctor at his side. When Alouette comes in, his eyebrows rise. "Al?!"

The doctor flees the room, and Alouette closes the door and leans against it. The temptation to ask Jackson and Brooks to leave is high, but she knows they'd never let her speak with Elijah alone. It's already surprising they're letting her talk to him at all, though she knows it must be because they assume he's more likely to open up to her than to them. "Hey," she says, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Elijah is the person that has known her the longest, yet she can't find any of that usual easiness now. In front of him, her guilt is unbearable. She's destroyed everything, and she knows he'll never forgive her.