I don't know how to love him

First impressions

Chandler had always had that little hidden feeling for Monica but he always repressed it, he watched her go from relationship to relationship and watched her get heartbroken multiple times, he couldn't bring himself to be just like the rest, moved too quickly and ended up no contact. He truly couldn't lose her. He used to sit round her apartment just so he could see her, he laid in bed with girlfriends dreaming of Monica, he fell in love with someone else and had to let Monica go.

it all began when he was just moving in 7 years ago, him and Ross were moving into the apartment opposite Monica's as Ross wanted to be near his little sister in her first home,although he didn't want to admit it, he did like to keep an eye on his sister, he didn't aim to be controlling just a little bit more vigilant of men around her, he didn't want anyone to her his little sister.

He had known Chandler since their college days and this was their first post college house that wasn't  just a frat house, he was excited to have a place to call his own. They were lifting in their large couch when Ross heard a shout come down the corridor.

"ROSS, heyyy big bro, I completely forgot it was home in day, let me help"
Ross didn't really want Monica to help as he didn't  want her to get hurt, but when chandler saw her figure lifting the heavy boxes chandler felt this overwhelming desire to not just look at her with puppy dog eyes but to help her, he wanted to go over and say hi. He felt like a giddy little kid until Ross came over and whacked him behind his left ear and whispered the words "eyes off my sister" into his ear.

She entered the guys new apartment and gently placed the box on the floor to slowly look up and see chandler hiding behind a New York Times paper, odd for him but she didn't know that, she was curious why there was a grown man hiding behind a paper but facing her directly. She pulled down the edge of the paper to reveal a blushing chandler.

"umm, hi" were the words that he uttered under his breath and right before he could say anymore Monica reached out and grabbed his hand.

"the name's Monica, which you already know and you know I'm Ross' little sister but if you ever need anything I'm just across the hall.. also your hiding sucks"

as she said that they both began to laugh before Ross entered the apartment and the laughs ended and the silence started as they looked at each other trying not to laugh again.

The trio had moved all the boxes into the lounge of the apartment before Monica had to go as she needed to get up early the next morning for the opening shift at the restaurant.

Once Monica had left the boys sat down on their couch looking at all the empty boxes before drifting off to sleep. They hadn't unpacked a single thing and couldn't remember which box had what, s when they woke up in the morning to find themselves fully dressed asleep on the sofa in some sort of clouded haze, Ross got up first and started to unpack his stuff and move his stuff into his room as a sort of escape from listening to chandler snoring.

Ross sat on his bed and looked at the photos he had of him and Monica in little frames, he was always a very sentimental man and he loved capturing me memories with photos, he looked through the box to see memories of his college days, his graduation, Monica's birthday and some events he wished to forget. He didn't reminisce on the photos of him with Rachel very happily, he loved that woman and had done for years but he couldn't look her in the eyes anymore after he stood her up on their anniversary date.

Before a tear could fall down his face he heard a loud thud noise emanate from the lounge, he opened his bedroom door to find a chandler on the floor still completely passed out and out for the count, he couldn't help but start to laugh at the grown man flopped on the floor.

He turned round to close his bedroom door behind him and he carefully stepped around his best friend precariously placed on the floor, he headed over to the counter and grabbed a pen to write Chandler a little note before he headed it.

The note read:
"I'm heading out for a bit, next time don't fall asleep on the sofa again you goof ball, Monica will be over later to drop off some leftovers for dinner, cya later
Ross"

ross ripped the note out the pad,which he got from Monica and used some scotch tape to tape the note to chandlers forehead. Then he left.
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chandler woke a few hours later to a pounding headache and a weird feeling on his head, the tape has stuck to his left eyebrow and was tugging on his skin, making him feel uncomfortable. As he headed towards the bathroom to see what was on his face, as he looked at himself in the mirror he couldn't help but share at himself, he did this a lot in his last place, he used to just stare longingly at the mirror, no for ego sakes but because he wanted to look at himself the way he looked at women, he wanted to feel desirable but he couldn't in this stage, he didn't just have bed hair he had floor hair, it was poking up left, right and center he chucked his head into his hands in despair, he never felt quite so low. He was always a shy and self conscious man, he peeled the note of his head, that he had momentarily forgotten about , he looked at the note a giggled slightly and liked the thought of Monica coming over but scrunched it up and threw it in the bathroom bin, before he returned to staring longingly into the mirror, he tried brushing his hair, to no avail he thought hopping in the shower would be the best bet.

He slowly undressed and dropped everything to the bathroom floor, he leaned into the shower moving the curtain out of the way to turn the shower on. He took one las sad look in the mirror and proceeded to get into the hot and steamy shower, as he pulled the curtain across he let out a small weep of joy for feeling the hot water running down his back and trough his luscious locks, as he ran his hands through his hair and as the steam started to fill the shower, he heard a knock at the door. He screamed, he was in the shower and didn't have any towels nearby, he neglected to remember to take the towels out the boxes. He thought he could just wait it out in the shower, but boy was he wrong.

he turned around in the shower and leaned towards the shampoo to begin running in through his hair and scrubbing around in circular motions, he started to feel calm again, he lost himself in thoughts of the steamy shower, until the door opened and a draft wafted behind the shower curtain.
Monica was stood right in front of the shower, chandler was yet to release that the shower curtain was almost completely transparent. She gasped and squealed, chandler poked his head around the curtain and screamed.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE????" He proclaimed
Monica just held up the dish of lasagne and held it at eye level so she didn't have to see naked chandler.

he turned back around and turned the shower off and then asked if she could get a towel for him so he didn't have to stand naked in the bathroom with her any longer, although to him he found the idea quite attractive, but he couldn't scare away this girl he had just met and just started to have feelings for. She left the lasagne in he fridge and handed chandler a towel, once he was covered up he left the shower and apologised profusely for what Monica had just witnessed.

"please dont tell your brother, Ross will kill me"

"Oh of course not, he'd lecture me on how I shouldn't have come in in the first place"

she leaned in to shake his hand as a promise, but she pulled away and joked she didn't know what he had been up to in the shower.
They both laughed before Monica had to leave. She apologised for ruining his shower and said her goodbyes but chandler walked her to the door and opened it for her, he wanted to go the extra mile, trying to make a better first impression than the one he had just made.

"Goodbye"
"thanks for the food"
"oh course, its no problem, they say make a good impression and all"

they both smirked and giggled a little more before chandlers eyes started to move around Monica's face, he looked at her eyes and then her lips and eyes again before he suddenly said goodbye again, he knew Ross would kill him if he asked out Monica.

As the door shut he turned around and leant against the door and let out a sigh wanting to hold Monica in his arms.

he headed to his room before he flopped onto his bed and so desperately wanted to hide from the world.