On the Edge of the World

Chapter 1: Hating my Life.

I sat there at my desk, phone in hand, homework left forgotten in front of me, the only signs of life rotting away. The steady rise and fall of my chest, there was no expression on my face. My eyes stared into nothingness; lips set in a thin, unmoving line. 

Yet, despite the outward calm, a storm of emotions played out inside me, my heart heavy with the weight of my life. The abuse and neglect had numbed me to the point where I couldn't recall what it was like to feel joy, love, or even sadness anymore. I was simply existing, with no hint of the vibrant soul that once resided within.

I was so lost in thought, I hardly heard the door to my room creak open, jolting me out of my dreamy state. Dad stumbled in, reeking of alcohol and carrying a dark aura. I reflexively tensed. I already knew what was coming. 

"What are you still doing in here?" Dad leaned against the door frame, bottle of whiskey in hand. "Homework." I said sullenly. 

"Don't lie to me! You're always glued to that damn phone!" Dad growled. "It's nothing. I'm just tired." I said quietly. "Tired my ass, you ungrateful shit. You think I work all day just to see you fucking around all the time?" Dad's words become slurred. 

Dad's words sent a pang of guilt through my chest. I knew I shouldn't feel guilty, but it was hard not to when Dad threw the same hollow accusations at me night after night. It was like a broken record, but each time, the needle sliced through my heart, reopening old wounds.

Dad took a staggering step towards me. "You think I'm an idiot, huh? I see you sneaking out at night. I know what you're doing." I looked at him with confusion. "I'm not doing anything. I haven't sneaked-" 

The slap came out of nowhere, sending a sharp pain throbbing through my cheek. The force of the blow made me stumble backwards, colliding with the wall behind me. My cheek stung where Dad's hand had landed, and tears threatened to spill from my eyes. But I quickly blinked them away, determined not to show weakness in front of the man who caused me so much suffering.

Dad stumbled further into my room, his drunken eyes burning with blazing hate and power. His father's face contorted with anger, as if a hurricane of rage was brewing within him, his eyes wild and fiery. The stench of alcohol wafted off him, adding to the oppressive aura that surrounded him. 

A sharp backhand snapped my head to the side, leaving a red mark on my cheek. I stumbled back, pain seared through my swollen face, and my tears that I tried so hard to hold back escaped down my cheeks. 

"You think I'm an idiot, huh? I know what you're doing, sneaking around at night." Dad slurred his words. I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. "I'm not doing anything, Dad. I just go for walks to clear my head!" Dad's anger escalates, and he suddenly raises his hand to strike me. "Don't you fucking lie to me! You think I don't know what you're up to?!" 

The slap lands on my already bruised cheek, sending a searing pain through my face. I take a moment to collect himself, my cheek throbbing from the impact. My heart races as I try to think of a way to calm Dad down, but all I can hear is the loud thumping in his ears. 

"You're ungrateful, that's what you are. After everything I do for you, this is how you treat me? UNGRATEFUL SHIT YOU ARE!!" Dad yelled drunkenly.

I take a deep breath, trying desperately to keep my voice from breaking. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'll do better, I promise." But Dad is not satisfied with my feeble apologies. "You're damn right you'll do better. You think I take care of you so you can run around without a care in the world?" Dad said with a menacing look. "I should've just given you away when I had the chance, you disgusting filth." 

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'll listen from now on. I promise." I tried to placate with him, but Dad's anger was not so easily quelled. He grabs me by the collar, shoving me against the wall. The impact sends a jolt of pain through my already bruised body. Fear washes over me, but I try to hide it, keeping my voice as steady as I can. 

"You think a few apologies will fix this?! You think I care about your fucking promises?!" Dad screamed. Anger boils within my chest, but I know that any sign of defiance will only make things worse than they already are. I bite my lip, trying to suppress the urge to fight back. 

"I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget." Dad yelled. And with enough force that threatens to shatter my bones, Dad's fist collides with my nose. A sickening crack echoes through the room as pain explodes through my face, and a warm trickle of blood dribbles down my chin. 

"I can't believe I once saw you as my son. You're a fucking disgrace to this family." Dad threw me onto the floor heartlessly, stormed out of the room, slamming and locking the door behind him.

 I stay curled on the floor in my ball of pain. Crying out for death. Begging to be taken next. Wishing, it was me who was dead. 

I weakly lifted my head at my alarm clock. It was only 6:30pm and I had barely had anything to eat today. But I knew that door wasn't opening up the slightest until tomorrow morning.

 I held my nose tightly, trying and failing to wipe my tears and blood off my face. I stayed curled up on the cold floor for hours, trying to ignore the growing pain in my stomach and face. 

Was there a point of even living anymore? I didn't think so. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I hated my life.  

To be continued...

heyyy, I've got so crazy shit cooking for this story. wanna find out? stick around