HOLLYWOODS

Jj

Na'Jour

"The fuck is this," I mumbled to myself at the hashtag FindThisMan.

It was the 100th one i've seen within a fifteen minute timeframe, and it left me unsettled.

Someone went out of their way to edit themselves into the very few photos they were able to gain access to.

I didn't understand the internet or their trends, but I knew it was something I despised.

The comments were confusing too. These people acted as if they knew me, my lifestyle, and planted seeds of lies that came from assumption.

"I think they like you," Fallon cooed, strolling herself behind my seat so she could better read the comments.

"Don't care," I fussed, tossing the device. It wasn't a good look for me being that these people were actively searching.

I was lucky to barely show my face to the public, but people in the city have definitely seen me here and there.

It was only a matter of time before one of these bitches is able to identify my name and everything connected to it.

I didn't like attention. I didn't want attention.

There were two types of people aiming to expose me: those who were actively looking to shoot their shot, and those who were looking to turn me in for prize money.

I sat in my silence, thinking of all the scenarios that would end up with me being dead. There was no out of this situation.

And then I'm reminded by this freshly, pitted, black eye, I got jumped for the third time yesterday.

These niggas got more aggressive with each meet, which only meant that the next 'jump' would be far from that.

My rib cage sizzled with pain that I choose to ignore for the mere reason of knowing there was a possible crack.

"You need to work with Apollo if you want to stop this nonsense!" Mac began, rambling about the bruises that covered my body more so than my own tattoos.

For someone who's done worse to me, i'd expect less care.

Who should've I worked with to stop him?

"In addition to that, you need to have children before you ruin my empire!" He continued, starting a one-sided argument. "By the end of this year, we'll be working nine to five's because of your ignorance, AND I REFUSE TO BE SEEN FLIPPING BURGERS BEHIND A COUNTER!"

That's when my zoning out began. I could see his dark lips smacking and maneuvering with speed, but no words were collected.

I could only return my mind to the headspace I was in before my phone blew up with notifications about my search.

Today was mommas death date.

I always was frank with remembering, but I never felt the need to visit.

I never grew up helpless, never felt helpless, but mostly just alone.

I  always did what was told, was always able to provide for myself, and was content with the cycle my life was trapped in, but now it was changing.. a lot of shit was changing.

It.. scared me.

These past few weeks had been the first time in a while where I've fallen back into my younger self, wanting to curl up in mommas arms.. but I couldn't.

It was weighing heavier on my heart than I liked to admit, but I couldn't allow an inch of that bother unveil.

I'd break.. and if that happens, i'll be too shattered to pick up my own pieces.