"Live your life," they said. That's what I did. Leaving my comfort zone was the toughest part of entering adulthood. I needed to let go of all the things that made me dependent. Life was going well for me—opportunities were there, a supportive family, financially stable—my life was almost perfect.
"Tads!" Ate Dioanna shouted, bringing me back to reality. "What's wrong? Kanina ka pa nawawala sa realidad."
"Oh god, I'm sorry, Wana. May naalala lang." I gave her an awkward smile.
We were in the middle of arranging my requirements for enrollment. I just turned Grade 11 because I had stopped. I was supposed to be G12 student already, but things happened.
Wana is my friend and big sister at the same time, she literally is a big sis. No words can explain how grateful I am to have her through my ups and downs.
"Denver will drop you off sa campus. I can't come with you; I have a meeting pa eh." She handed me all the documents that I needed.
Denver was my friend, but what happened to me was unknown for him, I feel little bit awkward to him but since I live sa bahay nila medyo nawawala na rin yung na ffeel ko na 'yun, sometimes I feel the tampo and curiousity of him for my sudden disappearance before, and I'm still in the process of absorbing the new life that i have, so making usap with him might overwhelm me, after weeks of living here, i'm taking baby step to be more comfortable around, and he's doing the same thing, he started to smile at me whenever he see me, and that became our routine, though we're not talking but those lilttle changes means a lot for me to be comfortable around him again.
On the way to the campus, I'm so nervous about facing new people again. I don't know if I'll be able to socialize with them.
"Hey, we're here now, Tads." Denver gently tapped my shoulder, it feels so weird kasi now nalang niya ako kinausap ulit.
"You seem nervous, Tads. I will go with you. Ate Oanna told me everything na, so you can talk to me now, you can count on me now, Tads, after all we're friends pa rin naman, right?" I shyly nodded
"I'm sorry for ghosting you--"
"shhh," he cut me off, "it's okay, Tads, I told you Ate Oanna told me everything na, just take your time muna to process everything, take your time, Tads." he smiled.
"Thank you for understanding, Denver. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I know that you cancelled your meeting for me. I'll make bawi nalang." I smiled.
"Pinky promise?" He showed me his pinky finger, na naikinatawa ko nang mahina.
"Pinky promise." I accepted his pinky finger. We both laughed at what we did.
Just like he said, he came with me inside the campus. After the enrollment, I asked him to drop me off at the nearest mall. I told him to leave already, but he insisted on keeping me company.
"Look mo nga 'tong mga binili ko, do you think it's enough?" I showed him my basket full of art materials.
"Alam mo, it's more than enough. Punong-puno na 'yang basket mo, Tads," he said.
"Eh 'yan yung mga nakikita ko kay Sin before eh, I want to improve my skills when it comes to drawing, so all of the familiar things na nakita ko, kinuha ko na rin." Wala siyang nagawa but to shake his head.
We're now at the counter. Medyo mahaba yung pila, and I could feel some eyes looking at me, or maybe it's just my anxiety acting up. I sighed, realizing that I'm not used to being surrounded by people again. Thanks to Denver, na-lessen yung kaba na na-feel ko.
"You mentioned Sinton earlier. Do you want to meet him?" I didn't even realize I mentioned him. What the hell?
Just so you know, I ghosted my friends, and I don't know how to face them. Only Ate Wana knows everything, and now Denver knows it as well. But I'm not yet confident to face them. Hindi ko rin alam kung pag bibigyan nila ako and mapapatawad for ghosting them. I don't know kung magiging same ba sila ng reaction ni Denver, I'm not yet ready, there's still lots of what ifs in my head.
"Hannah!?" I was so shocked when someone hugged me tightly. My chest tightened, and my heart started racing. I couldn't catch my breath. The shock of it all overwhelmed me, and the world around me began to blur. Panic engulfed me as I felt myself slipping away.
When I finally woke up, I was lying on a bed in Oanna's room, looking up at familiar yet distant faces—Denver, Sinton, Appolonia, and Ate Wana. Disoriented and frightened, I realized these were the friends I had ghosted when things got too overwhelming for me last year. Shame and guilt washed over me, adding to the confusion.
Denver was gently holding my hand, his eyes filled with concern. "Tads, can you hear me?"
I nodded weakly, struggling to find my voice. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just..."
Sinton stood a little stiffly to the side, looking confused and unsure of what to feel. He seemed torn between relief and lingering hurt. "Take your time. We're here for you," he said, his voice a bit hesitant.
Appolonia's hand was on my shoulder, her grip firm but comforting. "You're safe now. Just focus on breathing."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized how much I had missed them and how much I needed their support now. As I slowly calmed down, I glanced at Sinton, feeling a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry for disappearing," I managed to say, my voice trembling.
Sinton nodded, his expression softening just a bit. "We'll talk about it later. Right now, just focus on feeling better."
I knew this was the moment to start making things right, one step at a time.
