helena bonham carter one shots❣️

im here darling

big tw - self harm⚠️

Helena has been my girlfriend for over a year now, i truly feel like the luckiest woman on earth, we now live together in her apartment that we moved into and i could not be more grateful. All tho the last month or so i've truly been feeling really sad and depressed. I've had a lot of problems and struggles with accepting myself and my body over the years and the last few day have been so hard. I haven't built up the courage to talk to Helena since she's been caught up with work and has so much to do.

Today was yet another hard day of coping and Helena was still at work, i was just laying in bed and honestly didn't even bother getting up. I had probably been laying in bed now for over two hours and had barely eaten anything these last few days.

as i finally built up the strength and courage to get up and head to the kitchen to grab something i glanced by in the mirror in the hallway and stopped in my tracks. I just stood there, in disgust watching myself and i could feel the tears start building up in my eyes.

As i was crying i stumbled in to the bathroom and opened the cabinet, i looked at the little black box, staring for what felt like ages until i opened it and grabbed the silver blade in my hand. I hadn't relapsed in over a year since i met Helena, she knew i had problems with self harm in the past but nothing during the time we were together, i looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, all i could see was ugly, ugly stupid and fat. I felt so ashamed of myself. I looked back down at the blade, tears now streaming down my cheeks. I lifted the blade and dragged it across my wrist.

As soon as i felt it across my skin all thoughts disappeared for just a moment, everything went quiet. I couldn't comprehend what i had just done. I felt little trinklets of blood drip och the glass floor. Thats when all of my thoughts came back again.

Fuck. fuck fuck FUCK, what the hell have i done. I dropped the blade on the floor and pooled up in a ball on the floor. Crying desperately as i grabbed a towel and pressed it up against my wound. Panic set in as i tried to stop the bleeding by pressing harder on the towel.

I dont remember how long i sat on the bathroom floor but i had managed to stop the bleeding, when i noticed it wasn't bleeding any longer i grabbed myself the oversized hoodie i've worn for probably more than 3 days in a row and put it on, plopped back in bed and just laid down staring at the wall.

Thats when i heard keys and the door knob swinging open, "y/n darling, im home now"
She called from the kitchen, but i didn't even bother answering. I heard footsteps and they were getting closer to the door, until it swung open. "Honey i-"

She saw me laying there with absolutely no facial expression what so ever, "Hey honey whats wrong?" she asked. I kept stating at the wall. She sat down by the egde of the bed and started rubbing my back. "Hey how about we take a bath or something? I know you love a warm bath my sweet?" she said while rubbing ny back.

I feelt my tears build up in my eyes again, i sat up and covered my face with my hands. Helena instantly came closer and became very concerned to why i was this upset.

"Do you really think im beautiful Helena? or are you lying, because all i see when i look in the mirror is fat and disgusting and ugly an-" I was cut of by Helena hughing me thightly. "Oh my sweet girl, please don't say that about yourself, you are absolutely beautiful and the most perfect girl i could have ever asked for."

I kept crying in her arms as she held me closer patting my back and stroking my hair. I hugged her back tightly and pushed my face down into her neck sobbing loudly. "My precious thing, lets get you a nice warm bath and i'll clean you all up" She said while patting my back again.

But then i remembered what i had done earlier today and instantly felt panic run trough my body. "I- uh- I- I don't know if-" I couldn't form my words properly anymore, she's gonna be so upset if she finds out. "Darling whats wrong? You can tell me sweetie" "I-.. " I paused for a minute trying to get my thoughts together as I looked up into Helenas courageous eyes. "I- Im so sorry Helena." I blurted out crying in the crock of her neck.

"Y/n what's wrong? what have you done?" I just sobbed in her arms never wanting to let go. "I- I relapsed again im s- so sorry please don't be m- mad" I said in between sobs. Helena kept on stroking my back telling me reassuring things to calm me down.

When my breathing had returned to normal i met eyes with Helena, "darling I am not mad at you, don't worry" "I just want whats best for you, i want you to be happy and not feel like this" She said still holding a firm grip around my body. I felt a kind of relief after telling her, she wasn't mad? I quickly straddled her lap and wrapped my arms around her again laying in silence while Helena stroked my body to calm me down completely.

"I love you no matter what y/n, you know that okay?" "please don't hurt yourself, talk to me, i am always here if you need to talk or you're feeling down okay?" I slightly nodded and she hugged me back again.

After calming down Helena gave me a bath and clenaed my whole body and my wound and patched it up. She carried me to our bedroom where i laid down with my head on her lap, she kissed my head and stroked my forehead until i eventually drifted off to sleep.

word count - 1063