Rambley and Friends: No Children Allowed

Chapter 1: Fussy Little Rachel

It is a very loud night in the apartment Rambley and Jessica share, as they have been married for 5 years. Jessica is working late at the nightclub tonight, and hasn't come home. It is 2:40 in the morning. Rambley is holding his five month old half human half raccoon daughter, Rachel. She is crying very loudly, and won't be quiet no matter what Rambley tries.

"Aww, come on, Rachel", says Rambley in his tired, but gentle voice while walking and holding and trying to comfort Rachel. "What's the matter? You've had your bottle. There aren't any pins sticking in you. You're dry as bone. Why won't you be quiet?"

After a few minutes, it seems like little Rachel has stopped crying. Rambley gets up from the rocking chair and walks towards Rachel's crib, but Rachel cries again when he gets halfway close to the crib.

Rambley sits back down and rocks in the rocking chair. After five minutes, Rachel stops crying again. Rambley tries to put Rachel in his crib, but he only makes it to the crib, and Rachel screeches again.

After rocking Rachel in the chair for the third time, Rachel yet again, stops crying. This time, Rambley tries to be more sneaky when walking to the crib. Rambley manages to put Rachel in her crib, but when he tries to go to bed, Rachel cries again.

Rambley puts his robe back on, and yet again picks up Rachel, and tries to get her to be quiet.

Rambley's friend, Finley, comes into the apartment and walks into the master bedroom that has the bed Rambley and Jessica share, as well as Rachel's crib, as there is no room to put in a nursery.

"Rambley, what's the matter?" asks Finley, as Rambley effortlessly tries to make Rachel quiet.

"I don't know!" says Rambley as he starts crying himself.

"You mind if I try?" asks Finley.

"Be my guest", says Rambley, still crying, as he gives Rachel to Finley.

"Now", says Finley, coos to Rachel. "You just come on to your Uncle Finley and you settle right dow—"

Suddenly, stomping can be heard from the apartment floor above them. Above them lives a 30 year old woman named Helen.

"What's that?" asks Finley as he tries to get Rachel to calm down.

"It's Helen upstairs", Rambley explains to Finley. "She's been doing that all night. I guess she's mad because of Rachel's crying."

"Oh, Helen's such a sweet woman", says Finley in confusion. "I can't imagine her getting that mad. She must be hanging pictures."

"On the floor?" says Rambley with the are-you-stupid face.

"You don't pay any attention to that old crank", says Finley, trying to get Rachel quiet with no luck. "You just settle down now and stop your crying."

Then, Mollie Macaw comes inside the apartment in a robe and scratching herself.

"Hey!" yells Mollie Macaw at Finley. "What's going on up here, and what are you doing to my goddaughter?!"

"We're sticking pins in her!" says Finley in a sarcastic voice.

"Mollie, we just can't get her to be quiet!" says Rambley.

"Well, let me have her", says Mollie Macaw.

"What do you know about babies?" says Finley.

"Let me have him", says Mollie.

After that, the two hand Rachel to Mollie Macaw.

"Hi, there sunshine", says Mollie Macaw before signing like a robin.

"You want to hear the mockingbird?" says Mollie Macaw before chirping like a mockingbird. "Hear the mockingbird? See?"

Sure enough, Rachel completely stops crying altogether.

"Anyone can make her quiet for a minute", says Rambley, annoyed. "Just wait until you put her down."

"Now listen, little fella", says Mollie Macaw, putting the baby in her crib. "We're going to put you down, and you're going to be a great, big, brave girl, and not make another sound, and make your Aunt Mollie proud of you. Yeah, what a champ."

Everyone waits a couple of minutes, and Rachel has fallen asleep. Rambley and Finley stand there in shock.

"How did he do that?" asks Rambley.

"Beginners luck", says Finley.

"Beginner's luck, nothing!" says Mollie Macaw. "It's my phenomenal memory?"

"Memory?" asks Finley.

"Yeah", Mollie Macaw explains. "It's not generally known, but I was a little bit of a baby girl myself once."

After that, Mollie Macaw walks back into her apartment.

"You know", says Finley before walking out. "To look at her now, it's hard to believe she was ever a little baby anything."

Rambley goes to sleep, and everything is quiet until 3:00 in the morning.

Jessica walks into the entryway, home from work. She walks into the master bedroom, and hits her foot on the crib. Jessica yells out in pain, and this makes Rachel wake up and start crying again.

"Jessica, what's the matter with you?!" yells Rambley. "Now look what your carelessness did! You just woke up Rachel!"

"Well, why is the crib here?!" yells Jessica back in anger.

Helen can be heard from upstairs, and immediately, starts stomping even louder than before.

"What is that noise?" asks Jessica.

"The art gallery upstairs." Rambley says in a sarcastic tone. "I'll explain it to you in the morning."

"I'm sorry I woke you up!" says Jessica to Rachel, who is still crying very loudly.

"Now that you got her awake, what are you going to do?" says Rambley in a strict tone.

"I said sorry to her", says Jessica in annoyance. "What else do you want me to do?"

"Rachel is a baby!" Rambley points out in a very firm tone, looking Jessica in the eyes. "Babies don't know what apologies are! I want you to put her back to sleep, that's what I want you to do!"

"Put her back to sleep?" says Jessica. "Have you lost your mind?! Rambley, I had a hard night. I've been working."

"What do you think I've been doing?" says Rambley.

"Oh, honey", says Rambley. "You're supposed to put him to sleep and things like that—you're her father. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you walk with her?"

"Well, isn't that something?" asks Rambley sarcastically.

Rambley gets up, and picks up little Rachel, and sits in the rocking chair. He sings "Rock-A-Bye Baby" very off-key. This only makes Rachel cry even louder. Jessica takes the baby, sets her down in her crib, and sings to her until Rachel goes to sleep.