Heavy at Heart - a Neville Longbottom/OC fic

Chapter 2: Quite the Conversation

The carriage ride felt a bit awkward for me. I shift in my seat nervously since I always sit with Savannah in the carriages on our way up to the castle, but I understand that this year she wants to sit with her new boyfriend, Alex. At least we sat together and spoke together on the train. Some years, mainly before Luna became friends with Harry and them, I sat with her too, but now she sat with that group of people. To be honest, I never thought in a million years that someone like Neville would choose to sit with me just because he always sat with Harry or Dean Thomas on the train. He didn’t even sit with Ginny, but I was more than grateful for the company. It meant having someone to talk to while we approached the castle instead of sitting alone, which often made me feel alone too.

See, you can be completely surrounded by people, and still feel entirely alone, and there are times I feel that way simply because I’m overweight and people do not understand it. All my friends are skinny, or average, and definitely pretty in their own ways, but I don’t think I am. If anything, they probably think they’re better than me, even deep down or in the back of their mind, whether they say it or not. That’s what bothers me the most, that they assume they’re better than me because I don’t fit into the normal standards of body weight, but really, what is normal in our society today? It seems so many people are overweight, so why does it matter?

As I sat there quietly in my seat, trying not to glance over at Neville, I couldn’t help myself and decided to ask a question. No harm ever came from asking a question, right? “Can you see the Thestrals?” I ask since it seems like a legitimate question. He didn’t question the carriages moving on their own, and usually those who didn’t ask could already see them or at least had some sort of knowledge about the creatures. From drawings I had seen, they were quite ugly, but majestic in their own sort of way. I admire that, especially because something so horrible - death - allowed something so mysterious to be seen. Just another wonder of the magical world that I love. Not to mention, it also meant the most awkward of individuals could be special, myself included. It was like that saying about how people should never judge a book by its cover. Just because Thestrals are ugly on the outside, or I’m overweight, doesn’t mean Thestrals or myself are any less important then anyone else in the world. 

Neville’s gaze turned towards me and away from the window he had previously stared out of seconds before. “Yes, I can see them due to a relative passing away some years ago. Can you?” He asks me, his tone of voice displaying no sign of discouragement or sadness because of the relative he lost. Either Neville had moved on from the death, or closeness was something the two never shared. That typically made the most sense when someone died and the other had been so young at the time of the death.

I shook my head, unable to see the creatures, but at least knowing about them, and seeing them in drawings, was at least good enough. At least I knew what they looked like instead of knowing nothing about them at all. “No, I can’t see them, and I wouldn’t mind seeing them, but the only way to see them doesn’t sound like something I want to experience.” I mention, glad to never see death since the very thought of it scared the living daylights out of me, ironically.

Then it happened. Neville brought up the brewing war, how Voldemort was at Hogwart’s front door, at least metaphorically speaking. Things were brewing in the darkness that no one understood, and those who did were probably six feet under already and silenced for their knowledge. “With the war, I think more people will be seeing Thestrals soon.” He uttered quietly, glancing out the window as if focused on something in the distance. I didn’t blame him one bit. Death and war was enough to scare anyone half to death, and with the horrendous occurrences in the wizarding world at the very moment, and the whispers and rumors spreading like wildfire, no one was safe. Not even those inside Hogwarts, despite everyone claiming it was the safest place to be. No matter what, I had lied to my mother about being safe at Hogwarts simply to go back for my last year. I thought it was better to go to school than sit at home feeling sorry for myself while those around me were putting up a good fight. It only made me a coward if I stayed behind. By the tone of Neville’s voice, perhaps that is the same reason he chose to attend Hogwarts too, to make a stand. Besides, he had friends involved deeply in this whole process, including Harry himself, and Ron and Hermione since all three had not showed up for Hogwarts.