Red Is The Color Of Our Lives (And Red Is The Color Of Our Blood)

Nemesis

noun
1.
the inescapable agent of someone's or something's downfall.
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It's soft.
Warm.

Soft glances that fleet between moments in the infirmary..

The days are a blur. Delved soft and mushy into something that rots teeth; cotton. Clouded and muffled muddy like memories on the verge of a precipe clear picture that never fully clears up.
It rolls heavy in your frontal lobe; the shock as the moments ricochet in your brain;  memories fleeting and fluttering about that dry faster than water does on hot stone.

Your throats dry enough to want water; your throats dry enough to keep the bile down that rises in your throat at the sheer fact that witholds you  down by your throat and flashes teeth snarling...

(Fleeting; a pendulum swinging into motion - )

Clammy hands rove the excitement spanning your chest into silly butterflies as you fret over every single glancing thing as the weeks pass - and...
And.. KorTacs assistance is no longer needed..

SpecGru and their competing company now dwindled back to armed enemies in a dog eat dog world standpoint.

The soft glances between you and König go softly into the turmac ground and murmured promises of exchanged words die to empty texts that are left unresponsive; it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth and an even bigger scar than the one on your face...
Abandoned.

..hollow; empty and pummeled out into the softened streets that now blur alongside the edges that are the German streets of Vienna. Christmas long past..(he didn't even stick around long enough to stick to his promise of making your first time on the damned precious day) Your small leave spent in a foreign country off base and couped at a small sponged bar that is more than enough to trickle you off edge for the night.

Wedged between Simon and the crook of the booth you all find yourself as you all are:  141; whole.

And yet.. everything was..was..duller then before you had met him..like something was missing.

Him; with those big fleeting eyes rounded with crows feet that used to  hold the very spheres of green that pillow every worey you ever fretted to quiet down..to ease your body with his own: to quiet the horror that awaited you everytime you slept.

(You can't stand the bar any more; scent too clammy and nostril flaring; smothered smoke and wreaked achol more akin to the lingering spice of Jägermeister. It suffocates you and pools a string of resurfaced feelings you've spent the last two months trying to tug back together and lace beneath hardened emotions that Simon had ushered you to spill..spillspillspill-)

Him, who was your first actual kiss. Him who had you split on his knuckle and anchored against a hard shoulder before being taken on your back like a fish with its belly upwards and ready to be gutted as he took- and took..and took..andtookandtookandtook- lips locked on your aching cunt.

Until all that was left of you was still intact innocence of a fleeting virgin and a gutted insolence of dependency on him- until all you where was another untouched broken heart.

(You pay your tab and usher a quick goodbye to the boys..it's a simple facade that your used to spitting on and chewing odd and back out the moment your plugged right back into your own space. Everyone else but Simon falls for it. Everyone but him. It's quick; a fleeting glance from him that holds you for a moment.. seared by that all-knowing look of his..it's enough for you to bite an internal wince on your tongue the moment he tears his eyes away; reprieving you the permission in all actuality to go.)

And you go.
You go; dive deep into the abyss that holds everything that's ever transpired between you and the Colonel. Whatever your brain allows you to hold onto-
It's all the wrong memories.
All the wrong things.
All the wrong times; missed calls. Unread texts or unresponsives..missed dates when off leave when your calenders corresponded. Two months ago.. You'd never would have thought that the gentle giant that you wish you could stomach thinking about; would have left you high and dry the moment he got his orders.