"I never knew love could feel this good until it came from the person I hated the most."
When Hera lost 50 pounds, she hoped it would catch her bully's attention and make him see her differently. But she realized that the problem wasn't her weight-i...
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Don't lie and say that you've never found Lee Heeseung attractive. How could you not? He was captain of the basketball team, standing at 6'3," with a perfect body and decent grades.
But what made Heeseung peculiar, unlike every other attractive guy at school, was his demeanor. There was something about the way he could spit on you, yet you'd fall even deeper for him, that was terrifying. He was like the devil, an inescapable force.
It was the summer before 8th grade when he moved a few blocks down from us. Hera wondered who would move into such a big house in an average suburban neighborhood. Heeseung was cute; she could see it from the start. At 13, he had soft bangs slightly covering his forehead and a build most 13-year-old boys hadn't acquired yet.
He had tan skin and soft brown eyes, but there was nothing soft about the way he acted. Sometimes she wondered to herself, "How does he get away with acting like this?" Pretty privilege is a real, confusing thing.
Hera remembers her mom made her go over and offer them rice cakes a day after they moved in. She knocked on the door, feeling a bit nervous as she wasn't aware of what they looked like, only that they had two sons, one around my age.
"Who are you?" he asked in a disgusted tone. She froze, standing there in silence. She was 13, and had never had someone talk to me in such a manner. She looked up to see a boy, a majestic one at that. She stood a few feet away from him as he towered over me in confusion. Hera, to be truthful, was never pretty as a kid. She was a bit chubby and tanner than what most Koreans would prefer. Her mom used to call me "chubby monkey" as a joke,
She took a few moments before responding, "I live a few blocks down, I'm just here to give you some rice cakes." She said, her voice sounding nervous and unsure.
He stared at me up and down, almost as if he was contemplating whether she was worthy of a response based on her appearance. "Well guess what freak, I don't WANT your crusty rice cakes." He said, as he slammed the door shut on her face.
Hera left that house, only to later discover that boy was her new crush. Something about the immediate attraction she felt looking at him was unrealistic, but what can you do when you're only 13?
She was too shy to go over and talk to him, so she would just watch him playing basketball secretly with his brother and his friends. He made friends fast, knew how to impress people, and that was what made him so captivating. He was more than impressive to Hera.
That year, she saw him again at school, but this time she saw a worse side of him. He started picking on her in small ways at first, nothing too harmful. He made fun of yet "nickname" after hearing her mom say it once. Next thing she knew, everyone at school was saying it too. Whatever he said went, whatever he did they followed.
Hera remembers 8th grade being hell. On her 14th birthday, Heeseung embarrassed her by spreading a rumor that she had a secret admirer who wanted to meet me in the cafeteria. When she showed up, there was a surprise: he dumped a bucket of paint over my head while everyone laughed and took videos.
In freshman year, it got worse. Heeseung brought in snacks for Valentine's Day but labeled them with nasty messages about her weight, saying stuff like "calories you don't need" and "enough food for you and your 4 chins." He handed them out to everyone, making sure she saw the labels and felt humiliated.
The absolute worst part of all this wasn't that she had lost reputation, but that over time, she just fell for her bully more and more. There was nothing she could do about it—he had her under a spell.
It was the summer before sophomore year when she really got her shit together. She dropped 50 pounds and started taking care of herself. Over time, she started to look unrecognizable; even her own mother couldn't call me "Chunk" again.
She did this because of how badly Heeseungs words sting, and that made her feel like the weakest person to ever exist. But now we're here, the first day of sophomore year, where she looks into her full-body mirror wondering what people at school will have to say.
In all honesty Hera wasn't sure if what she even wanted from Heeseung. She didn't want him to like her. If anything she felt like she wanted him to forget about her existence, so she could admire him in secret.
Maybe the attention she got from Heeseung, bad or good, was good attention. Even if he only saw her as a worthless little human, he still cared enough to see something.
Hera looked at her frail arms and legs, from constant starvation for months. She would cry at the harsh comments that replayed through my brain like a record player, and it would disgust her from putting a single bite in her mouth.
Yet she looked once more at her body in her school uniform once more; which was slightly big as even the new size she ordered didn't fit. Still unsatisfied, she sighed, grabbing her bag and heading out the door.
