Before I Leave You

one way ticket to hell pt 1

"We need to talk," Mikasa says, her tone resolute and her eyes sharp, fully intent on not letting you leave until you hear what she has to say first.

You raise an eyebrow at her, amused. "Do we now?"

But then you notice she's armed and dressed in all black, the way she usually is when she's on duty for you, and the sight of it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. The thought of your father sending her on jobs for him...

"Well, I'm afraid it'll have to wait," you say dismissively. "I'm running on a rather tight schedule."

You move to sidestep her and brace yourself for opposition. After all, your people have been ordered not to interact with you, nor to let you leave the house. But whatever it is that's been bothering Mikasa is enough to defy your father's direct orders as she follows closely after you down the hallway.

"You think we have betrayed you," Mikasa blurts out unevenly behind you. She adds a beat later, "...That I've betrayed you."

You pause at the staircase, working your jaw. She speaks of her and your cadre. Of how you think they've turned against you and refuse to trust you. Divulging sensitive intel to Levi about you and, consequently, your father.

But that's not what has you most upset.

Mikasa is not one to express doubt or hesitancy so openly. Yet the frailness in her voice is unmistakable, and as you glance at her over your shoulder, that familiar stoic expression of hers is also absent from her features. She looks anxious and dismal.

And you're the reason why.

Nevertheless, you can't seem to keep the edge off your voice as you slowly turn on your heels to face her.

"Is that not what you have done?" you ask coolly. "Did you and Jean not confirm with Levi all your suspicions and concerns over my complete disregard for my mental and physical health?"

Your voice turns mocking as you play out what you imagine Mikasa's conversation with Levi had gone.

"'Anya doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep. Her need for vengeance is going to get herself killed. You need to stop her, Levi,'" you whine aggressively while slowly making your way towards her. "'Lock her up inside her house so she can't escape. It's the only way to keep her safe.'"

Mikasa swallows, flinching at the resentment in your tone as you come to stand before her.

"Tell me, Mikasa," you demand roughly, your siren eyes piercing into hers like daggers. "Do I look like someone who wants to live a simple life? That that's even possible for someone like me?" You shake your head at her. "No, love. The time for that has passed." You start to turn back to the staircase. "There is no rest for me in this world. Perhaps in the next."

But something in Mikasa snaps.

"And what makes you think we want anything different?" she demands sharply before you can take more than a few steps.

You pause, glancing at her over your shoulder as she cuts the space between you with menacing strides.

"Jean, Armin, Sasha, me—everyone—we all knew the kind of life we were signing up for when you came to us," she reminds you bitterly. "We knew and still we chose you. So don't you dare turn this against us and accuse us of turning our backs on you—" She points a finger at you, "—when it's you who's walking away from us."

You clench your jaw at her words, narrowing your eyes at her as you regard her closely.

Mikasa's features have hardened. There is no hint of doubt in her eyes as there had been before. She stands before you as she always does: bravely, fiercely, and confident. It's almost hard to imagine there was ever a time when she did not look or act this way because to everyone who knew her now, this was the kind of person she has always been.