The Echoes of His Unspoken Thoughts

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SEAN'S POV:

Bliss of the foggy atmosphere touches my face as I sit down on a bench, alone in the pathways of Burnham Park. It's been a while since I spent my time here with Henry. I can't say I'm still accustomed to sitting in this very spot. An ecstatic Henry showed up in front of me, full of energy to go on a walk all around the city.

"Come on, let's go visit some cafes." Henry held my hand and pulled me with him. "I definitely need some coffee."

The smile on his face reminds me of a nocturne, paired with grace of a cat mixed with curiosity of a dog; he does give such an aura that you can't ignore, and maybe that's why I can't get enough of him. I adore him so much, to the point where I'm quite lost. I've been feeling distant lately, lost in my own thoughts. I hope he doesn't notice so that he won't worry.

"We're close, just follow me!" Henry pointed at what looked like a coffee shop and smiled warmly, eyes twinkling with excitement. It felt like he wants to show me something special.

"Do you really need coffee that much?" I asked bluntly with genuine curiosity. "The sun has set already."

He turned his head with a playful yet irritated expression. "Let's hurry up, I need that caffeine so bad."

"If you say so." I closed my eyes and nodded in approval to what we wants, to which he delightfully jumped when we arrived at the café.

 As we walked by the streets, I suddenly recalled the significance of the place we're about to go, Café by the Ruins; it is where all this story began. I still remember that time when it was raining he bumped into me just to share an umbrella with a stranger. Surprisingly, it was not a stranger but a classmate from my alma mater. I've known him for so long to meet him unexpectedly here in Baguio.

"Ta-da! Remember this place?" He looked towards me with sparkling eyes, whom I adored about him so much.

"Oh my, you still remember about this place." My face full of shock and nostalgia. "Well, want to share an umbrella with me or have a hot cup of coffee?"

"I'll definitely choose the coffee, obviously." Henry playfully pulled my hands inside to order some coffee. Looks like he definitely needs that coffee. Can't blame him; he hasn't had some any for a while. The weather do suit the atmosphere around, perfect for holding a hot drink.

"So, what do you think?" Henry laid his head on my shoulder gently, looking at the pitter-pattering rain outside. "It's been such a long time we've done things like this."

My head runs all around the corners, aware of being distant for so long. "Y-yeah..." I was left tongue-tied for a moment. I really don't know what to say, nor express what I feel. I don't even know what I feel anymore. It's not him but me.

Lights warmly glowed the all around the place mixed with the foggy mist of the rain. As we stayed much longer inside the café, waiting for the rain to stop. I can't help but just to listen to Henry talking everything—about us and his own life. I never got to share mine, I'm not used to talk about it, especially the things I'm scared to tell others, even if it's Henry.

That was the last time we both shared a very intimate time together, having a cozy moment in that café now I personally avoid. Now I'm all left alone, back in this very lone bench. It still has this sweet pine scent in this misty fog all around this city. All remainders of bittersweet memories and thoughts flows in my mind.

I want to reach out to him, but I can't bear the guilt on how I treated him before when we were together. He was beautiful as the forests, but surrounded by snakes. He gave all of himself, but was invalidated by many. He was kind and genuine, but was not reciprocated. I love him, as he deeply loves me, but I don't deserve someone like him, who still loves me despite hurting him and making him feel like a backburner, just because I can't express my feelings well. I regret everything I did to him. He doesn't deserve any of it; he was as pure as the moon shines at night. I want to reach out to him, but I can't bear the guilt on how I treated him before when we were together.

All things brings me back to that time where I actually met him the first time. He was a classmate of mine in senior high, a pretty diligent and humble one you might say. Not just nonchalantly being cute but his whole personality did intrigued me. I could always see his efforts in helping and volunteering unconditionally, yet he's always unseen despite having a huge part on such events and activities in school. I do feel bad, but I know he's trying so hard to fit in well. 

"Hello! How are you?". The words comes out from Henry's mouth that I always heard every time I see him at school. He was a great man to be with, still questioning why he kept being unseen and invalidated by people.

He never left by my side during those days I needed someone; he has given me a safe place to slowly open up to other people, to which I still fail up to this day. I won't forget that hug he gave me at graduation, even we were apart for miles away and has no communication; he still stayed on my mind for years. That's why when that rainy day in Baguio where I met him once again, I thought that time has stopped for a moment. 

This city has seen one of my happiest and lowest days, I believe that it has known me very well. The very place where we even ended it all, hoping to see each other in the future once again.

I lost interest for a reason that I can't explain, I got scared to tell Henry for I don't want to hurt him in any sort of ways. I believe that he won't take it very well when I tell him about this, or plainly blame himself for everything when he did nothing wrong from the start. He was the best man I ever met in my life, and all I want is the best for him.

Days has passed, turned to weeks, months, and a year; this distant feeling became a lot stronger. We proposed a lot of plans to which it had gone cancelled or unnoticed by the both of us being busy in our lives. We tried to talk about our collapsing relationship, but to no avail. It took a long time before we finally got to have a proper conversation about our pretty long problem.

No surprise there that he blamed himself, but he has first proposed to finally put all of this off before I even talk about it. He was trying to be strong, for as I know he was hurting inside. I love him, but at what cost? If I just told him about this earlier would it even make such a difference?

I regret I didn't hugged him that time when he needed it the most, why did I resist myself that day? Until now, I had gone on many dates after breaking up, I'm still left alone. I never experienced that unique warmth from him again. I hope he's doing well, may he finally feel loved and seen by someone. If I could only say the words "I love you" to him again, I would.

I guess that'll leave me all alone, I don't deserve to be loved. I couldn't bear to hurt anyone again. Sighs, I guess I'll bury all of this love beneath this city he beloved. I know he's still here, but I hope he'll receive my love once more, even if it's the last time. I love you, Henry.

~~~

HENRY'S POV:

Huh? Is that Sean? What is he doing here in Baguio, I thought he went back to Manila?

He looks lonely, but I guess I don't have the rights to get close to him. I'm ashamed for putting him in that place, he deserved to be freed. I know it's hard to tell that you're not interested to your partner anymore, thinking that you may hurt your partner. I hope he's feeling better now.

I stared at him in the distance, even though the fog makes it a lot harder to see. My mind getting all over the place, thinking:

It's been a long time; centuries to be exact.
My love hasn't changed, but I hope he does too.
Confused as to why everything changed in a snap of a finger.
Am I still lucky to have someone like you? Or I have become a burden to you?
Was I too much? If yes, I'm very sorry; I just wanted to make you feel happy and loved unconditionally, but I guess it turned the other way to you.
But I hope you're taking care of yourself, Sean. I hope you heal from the things that hurt you before.

I took a last glance once more and smiled at a distance. Pretty sure that he didn't notice me, but at least I got to see him once again. Take care, my Sean.