~ I can't do this anymore ~ | Satosugu | Spoilers | ANGST | Jujutsu Kaisen |

"The beginning of the end" | Chapter 1

~ I can't do this anymore ~ | Satosugu | Spoilers for the manga | ANGST | Jujutsu Kaisen |

TW: Heavy angst, depression, descriptive gore, suicidal ideations, SH

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"I will win." Geto's boyfriend promised to him, before leaving to fight Sukuna. And Geto trusted him...

Now he stared his lifeless body cut in half. Everyone in the battlefield with you are shocked and speechless.. Satoru's colleagues and even students saw that happening during a live stream. Is it really the end?

Geto's eyes widened at the truly depressing and gruesome sight, his body frozen in shock yet still trembling as he felt tears beginning to form within his eyes.

"Sa-Satoru..?" He asked hopefully, slowly approaching Gojo's body and holding out a shaky hand.

There was no answer. Geto could only see Satoru's dead body. His eyes were half open, staring forward and the body which was in a pool of his own blood. Everyone in the room felt frozen into their spots. It all felt surreal, so unreal, like a really bad dream, but it unfortunately it wasn't.

Geto ran up to Gojo's lifeless body, stifling back tears as he frowned slightly, kneeling beside Gojo's lifeless corpse and holding his hand up to his own cheek.

"Please..." He murmured shakily, feeling a pool of sadness and despair start to form in the pit of his stomach. "S-Satoru... wake up.."

His body still didn't move, not even twitch or anything. It was really lifeless and it seemed like there was no chance of Gojo coming back from his hollow state. After a couple of minutes Shoko finally spoke up with a trembling voice; her eyes slightly red from the tears that were forming within them.

"Suguru.... I am sorry, but.. he's gone for good."

Geto tried to stop the tears from forming in his eyes, but the true despair that filled his body made his limbs heavy, and his own breath shaky. He began bawling his eyes out quietly as he kneeled beside his lifeless lover, tear drops falling onto the hand of Gojo's he was grasping desperately, silently hoping this was some sick prank of Gojo's.

The others silently watched as Geto wept, not really knowing what to say. All of their eyes were tearing up from the horrible sight that was before them. Satoru's lifeless corpse lying on the ground. Yuta wrapped his arms around Maki who had teared up too and buried her face into his shoulder.

Megumi, who was always so stoic and expressionless, was now unable to hide his heartbreak. His eyes were stinging from tears and his knuckles were turning white on how strongly he was clenching his fists.

Geto couldn't bare the sight of his dead lover in front of him anymore. He wiped the still flowing streams of tears pouring from his ears before placing Gojo's hand down on the ground with his own shaky ones, standing up and slowly walking away, shedding tears slightly quieter as he stumbled weakly with his trembling body back to his home, which he once shared with his now dead partner.

Silence befell the battlefield as Geto left. Everyone was left behind, still in shock. They quietly talked to each other, but no one was really paying attention to their words. Yuta quietly whispered comfort words to Maki's ear, whom remained hidden against his shoulder. Megumi still couldn't look at the corpse, his eyes were stinging from tears he refused to spill out.

Back in their home, Geto entered the familiar apartment when silence greeted his ears when he closed the door behind himself. Everything was like he had left it, except Satoru's presence.

Geto's limbs felt heavy with anguish, even his eye-lids felt heavy at this point. He fell onto bed he once shared with Gojo, his body feeling as if it was sinking into a deep, cold pit of despair as he began crying again, his face buried in his own pillow, not having enough energy left in him to do anything else.

Hours ago the bed was filled with love and giggles from Geto and Gojo as he clung to him, telling him how much he loved him. But now the once happy spot now felt cold and empty. So empty..

Days passed by, each day seemed like eternity. Everyone was still struggling to cope with the fact that Gojo.. their friend, mentor, and protector, was really gone, forever. And the thought of never being able to hear Geto's boyfriend's loud, obnoxious voice ever again made his heart ache.

Geto lay there on his bed, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes, the dark circles under his eyes due to sleepless nights, weeping the entire time. The bed felt empty without Gojo, his body being able to be spread out completely without his lover whining for more space. Within the walls he once had heart glistening memories in, would have no more. The hopelessness which he felt as if his body was using to barely hold itself together didn't release, but instead got increasingly worse the more time passed on. He no longer had any energy left in him to do anything but sulk in the safe yet cold walls he had once shared with his beloved lover.

Weeks passed by and Geto didn't leave the apartment even once. Not to go shopping for supplies, not for any missions or even the funeral. Everyone had tried to contact him, but he ignored them all. At this point he looked like a complete mess, but he didn't really care.

Shoko came to Geto's apartment one evening and knocked on Geto's door, calling for him. "....Suguru? Are you there?"

Geto wanted to ignore the knock at his door desperately, but found the energy to sigh and hoarsely mumble a response, his voice lower than usual and slightly croaky from all his crying. "...Come in."

Shoko heard Geto and opened the door. The sight that greeted her almost made her wince. Geto looked horrible. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair messy and badly tied up and he looked paler than usual. He hadn't even taken his Jujutsu uniform off.

"Suguru, you shouldn't lock yourself up like this.." She said, sounding worried as she walked further inside and shut the door behind her.

Geto could barely gather the energy to breath harder than usual, his breathing slightly heavier due to his weeping, which caused his nose to be harder to breathe through than it normally would.

"Ieiri.. I just.." His voice was still shaky, desperately holding back tears as his voice started to crack. "...To be honest with you, I barely have a will to life anymore.."