Miguel o'hara (one shots)

Midnight paint (angst)

TW: vomit mention
Playlist -
Rain inside/ Oneheart, Antent 
a way out / my head is empty, Miranda rain
————————————————————————-You were sitting on your living room floor, a canvas in-front of you, a whine glass beside your thigh, tears staining your cheeks as rain inside played softly in the background, powering your sad heart, the wine drowning your feelings.

You were painting a portrait of Miguel, it was the only thing taking your mind off of his death, it had only been a week but to you it felt like yesterday, as it kept replaying in your head, like a song that wouldn't leave.

You blamed yourself for it, you believed it was your fault, his life slipped through your hands, and no matter what Gwen or Hobie told you.

It was your fault, and you kept telling yourself that.

You lifted your brush to paint his soft brown eyes, the ones that looked at you with love, the ones you couldn't forget.

Guilt filled your stomach til it built up to your throat and swallowed you whole.

He didn't deserve that.

The voices ran through your head making your hands tremble against the canvas, vile rises in your throat making you bolt for the bathroom, your knees hitting the cold tiles as your regret spilled into the toilet.

You sat up and wiped your mouth as soft delicate tears ran down your face.

You pressed your back against the bathroom wall, the cold tiles underneath your thighs, making you feel something, but you didn't deserve to feel anything, so you pulled your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, soft sobs fleeting your mouth.

You felt like you were going crazy, until you heard Miguel's voice, it sounded like it was coming from the living room, making your entire body shake in overwhelmed emotion. 

"No, I'm just imagining it" you whispered to yourself before hearing it again, tears welled your eyes and you quickly stood up and rushed out of the bathroom, to see...nothing, it made you feel sick to your stomach

You turned your back and gave up for the night, heading towards the bed room, where you and Miguel had your most precious moments, holding eachother like the most precious thing In the world..and no one could get you, but you heard his voice again, something tugged at your heart to turn around so you did, and there he was, sitting in-front of your painting, you felt your chest tighten, it was hard to breath as overwhelming tears fell from your face.

"N-no he's not real...you just haven't slept, he will go away" you mumbled to yourself and closed your eyes, but as you opened them he was still there "stop playing sick jokes" you sobbed, getting angry at your sleep deprived head, you couldn't sleep, you wouldn't allow yourself.

Just incase he came back.

"I'm real, Luz solar" (sunshine) he said, his voice was gruff just like you remember, but something about it was soft and vulnerable, he slowly got up and walked towards you, making you stumble back, and freeze up, you thought you were going crazy til looking into his eyes..it was him, you sobbed, they were his.

"It's me" he whispered before stopping in his tracks, and you stopped, you could feel your heart shattering, heavy tears and sobs is the only reaction he received, he gently reached out and wrapped his arms around you.

You quickly wrapped your arms around him, gripping tightly, not wanting him to disappear again, he rubbed gentle circles into your back before kissing the top of your head "it wasn't your fault, mi amor" he whispered against your ear, "im proud of you..you've got this mi amor". 

Your heart sank, and loud emotion filled sobs fled your mouth as you buried your face into his chest, hearing his voice and feeling his touch was something you were begging to feel again, and you finally had it, breathing in his scent, you missed it so much, you missed him so much.

Your grip on him tightened, you thought he was going to fade away, and you knew you couldn't handle that right now, his hand gently cradled the back of your head pressing another kiss to the top of your head "I'm not going anywhere" he mumbled against your head, yes it was a lie but he didn't want to hurt you, not yet.

He gently took your hands and started slow dancing with you, it caught you off guard but you settled into the rhythm, his hand snaked down to rest on your lower back, holding you close to him, he didn't want to let go either as the soft music danced around them.

"Lo lamento" (I'm sorry) he whispered, soft tears in his eyes, you couldn't understand him but you knew what he said didn't mean good and you knew you'd be hurt in the end.

He continued to hold you against him as your body's slowly moved to the rhythm in the background, you reached up and gently cupped his face, his hands moving down to rest on your lower back, he looked down at you, with those same loving brown eyes, and it made your eyes tear up.

He reached up and gently wiped the tears from your face, "No llores cariño" (don't cry sweetheart), you gently wrapped your hands around his wrists, it felt nice to feel his touch, you missed it.

Your eyes closed as he pressed his lips to your forehead, tears fell down his face, "I love you" he whispered and your glassy eyes opened to meet his "I love you too" you whispered back before you felt his touch starting to fade.

"I'm sorry" he said gently before pulling you into a tight embrace, your heart dropped "no..no no no, you can't leave me I can't do this without you" you sobbed wrapping yourself around him, your grip tight, you didn't want him to go, he couldn't go.

"Yes you can love..you are so strong and beautiful..I'll always be with you, I love you"

"I love you too miguel" you sobbed before kissing his cheek, then he was gone, something so simple broke you, it caved a non-replaceable hole into your heart, you held him there..

You felt your entirety shake, you sank to the floor, crying uncontrollably, his touch lingered on your face, you could still smell him in the living room..but he was gone..and you had to face that..alone.

—————————————————————————-

Hey y'all, never thought I'd see the day I'd cry over my own story, but here we are, this is an idea I've had brewing for awhile.

Also no, there won't be a happy ending for this (maybe)

Also apologies if the Spanish doesn't actually make sense (I used google 💀) so please point that out so I can fix it!!

Oh yeah, and I recommend listening to the playlist for this one shot because it adds to the affect!! Love yous