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✦ { Cadence } Black Fire | The Rejected Mate |

Client: Fire_And_Ice_1813

Reviewer: CadencePadgett0

Focus on: Plot, character development, and the fluidity of the events

Title: 5/5

It's an intriguing title and fits the overall story. Excellent choice!

Blurb: 3.5/5

The blurb is interesting. It captures my attention and I want to read more. But after reading the entire story, I thought the blurb needs some revisions.

Cover: 3.5/5

It's a nice cover, but I have a hard time reading the small texts. Maybe make it a little bigger or change the color of the cover. I also like how you put a wolf on the cover to match the paranormal genre. Overall, the cover is good and needs some work on the texts.

Characters: 7.5/10

Alexandria is an interesting character. She has a really sad backstory about her childhood before her parents died and her sister disappeared. Although, she lacks some internal conflict. I can see that she's been abused every day and she thinks she's not good enough for anyone. But I don't see what she wants in her life. Or what is she afraid of?

Good characters usually have internal conflicts. For example, I can see that Alex is constantly hurt by her friends including her own mate. In that moment where she's being bullied, show the readers why it matters. Is it because she constantly feels worthless and will never be anything but an outcast? Show us that. Which I think you did a good job. But what about her desires and fears?

What does she think will make her happy? Finding love. Revenge on her mate for what he did to her.

What is she afraid of? Is it that she's going to fail if her plan doesn't work out? Or is it getting hurt again?

These questions will help you flesh out the characters to make the story better. Same thing for the side characters as well.

And if I think you should use whichever name the MC prefers to be called. In the beginning, you mentioned she prefers to be called Alexandria instead of her real name. Make sure you mention her middle name somewhere in the chapter so you aren't confusing the readers. And change her POV name at the top of chapter one.

Overall, I feel like each character could've been fleshed out a little bit more, so it's not mostly plot-driven but also has a character arc in the story.

Plot: 7.5/10

It's different from what I'm used to reading.

I feel like the beginning of the book is slow. Like every chapter the MC is constantly getting abused and is literally a punching bag to move the plot forward. I honestly think that the first ten chapters or so is just a backstory of Alexandria's life before she was kidnapped. I was losing interest because it's mostly the MC reacting to the events that are happening to them rather than what's happening and why it matters to them based on their internal conflict.

My suggestion on writing the hook in the first chapter is to start with where the MC is tortured or the scene of her nightmare. Then somehow include her internal conflict and why the event in the scene she's in matters to her based on her conflict. Maybe it's when she gets tortured and thinks how she's not good enough. It's just an example.

Then the inciting incident could be when she finally escapes and reunites with her wolf again. Only to find out about her ex mate is the Alpha and has another mate and a family of his own without MC. And to find out about her uncle's plan. And to find out about her secret power and enjoy scaring other people or something.

Then the first plot pinch point could be when the MC gets revenge on the Alpha and the people who have been cruel to her in the past.

For more information, I recommend checking out Abbie Emmon's channel on Youtube to get a better understanding on how to flesh out plot points in the story. It's where I'm getting my reference from.

I know it's long and very specific, but I just feel like it was repetitive and not interesting enough for me to continue until chapter 14 or 13. It's when I'm really like finally the MC is going to take her ex mate down. But what is at stake?

The fluidity of the events are good. It's not too fast, but it's slow to get to the point where the main character is finally going to have a plan in action.

Overall, it needs some work and flesh out a little bit.

Writing Style: 7.5/10

I personally like how well you are portraying the characters' emotions without telling. You did a good job on that!

The only thing that bothers me is that there's two POVs. One for Alex and the other is the narrator. I'm not a fan of changing first person POV to third person POV. I think it should just have one POV. Is it going to be either first person or third person? If you are going to include Cassandra's POV in third person, then the entire story should be third person. I think it makes it a little easier for the readers to understand.

Overall, the writing style is good and needs to decide on which POV is best for the story.

Grammar: 7.5/10

There are some mistakes, but it can easily be fixed. For example, I noticed in chapter one, you capitalized Middle School. You don't need to capitalize unless it's a specific school. For example, Red Creek Middle School. But if it's general then there's no need for capitalization. Other than that, I think you're good.

Overall:

It's different from what I'm used to reading. I'm not a fan of rejected mates unless there's redemption. But in this case there isn't, but it's fine because it's what set from the rest of the werewolf stories.

I was hoping that maybe the MC could've gotten a second mate and helped her realize that revenge on her ex isn't the answer to her problems. And learn to love someone again. Just an opinion.

I hope this review helps you out!