Everybody Leaves

The Bar

Obviously, this story contains spoilers for the FB episode from June 9th. Please be aware that this story could be triggering to some due to discussion of miscarriage, feelings of abandonment, and emotional pain. This is also my first fic in many years so it turned out a little more stream of consciousness than I intended, but I felt like it worked well for this. Please let me know what you think.

TW - Miscarriage (discussion), Feelings of Abandonment, Emotional Pain

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Marjorie felt strange walking into a bar at 11 am on a weekday. The bar was quiet as she looked around for Autumn. It didn't take her long to find Autumn's defeated form sitting at the bar with a glass of whiskey in front of her, one hand shaking and the other wrapped around her waist, clutching her sweatshirt. Marjorie had never seen Autumn drinking whiskey before. She was a little afraid of what that meant. Marjorie cautiously approached Autumn. Autumn looked smaller than Marjorie had ever seen her as she sat dressed in what Marjorie had just realized was Winter's sweatshirt, face void of make-up, a blank expression on her face, lips trembling. Marjorie cautiously approached and slid onto the barstool next to Autumn.

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Autumn didn't even acknowledge Marjorie's presence as she sat and stared at the tumbler in front of her. For the first time in weeks, she didn't feel nauseous. She missed the feeling. It had meant she was still pregnant. That she still had a baby growing inside her. That she still knew what joy felt like. That she still knew how to feel anything. Now she just felt numb... no, not numb. Empty. She felt nothing at all except for that ever-growing emptiness that threatened to swallow her whole. Marjorie looked like she wanted to say something, but Autumn didn't want to hear it.

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"Autumn, I—"

Autumn cut her off almost instantly. "Marjorie, if you're here to give me some sort of pep talk—" Autumn said flatly. She didn't even have the energy to put on her usual defensive front.

"What? No, no, no. No pep talk," Marjorie quickly denied. Thank God, Autumn thought to herself. As Marjorie looked at her with pain in her eyes, Autumn couldn't help but hate her a little bit. Hate that Marjorie could still feel anything at all in this moment. "I promise, I'm just here to have a drink and sit," Marjorie continued as Autumn simply glared at her. "In silence." Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Autumn appreciated that Marjorie knew her so well and that Winter had chosen just the right person to send. Some part of Autumn really didn't want to be alone right now and she was grateful for the company.

Autumn turned back to her whiskey and swirled the glass slightly. She wanted to drink until she felt something. Anything. Maybe if she got drunk, she would feel nauseous again and for a short blissful moment, she could pretend none of this had happened. Unfortunately, she had a very high alcohol tolerance from her years of drinking to bury her feelings so she knew she wouldn't be so lucky this time. Of course, she wouldn't be. Good things didn't happen to her. That's why she was sat here, her heart hurting, her entire body hurting. She really should have known better than to be happy. It never ended well.

"But if you did want me to go, just say the word and I'll leave." Marjorie's voice snapped Autumn back to reality. Did she want to be alone? No, no she didn't. Autumn only hummed in response. She was afraid if she actually opened her mouth to say anything the only thing that would come out would be a scream. Suddenly, she didn't feel empty anymore. She could feel the anger, the rage, the pain, and the sorrow all rising up at once, fighting for which feeling would be the one consume her.

"Marjorie," Autumn said as she finally spoke, her voice trembling. Just a day ago, Autumn would have never even thought to ask for what she was about to say, but she just felt so broken. She felt like she was in danger of falling apart into little pieces. She was just so tired and in so much pain. So tired of holding it together and just wanted someone else to do it for once.