loml

eight

Travis just sat there, not speaking, just looking at me as I looked at him, the burning water pounding down on where I sat curled up. The water bounced off me, wetting Travis' shorts, but he didn't seem to care. 

I closed my eyes after a while, burying my face in my knees as the feeling spiked again. A moan of agony escaped my lips as I tried to fight off the invisible force attacking me, starting to claw at my own skin. No, no I could feel him. He was all over me, everywhere.

"T, hey, stop!" Travis said, and I opened my eyes to realize that I was raking my nails all over my body, sharp red lines appearing. I'd dug in so hard some of them were pricking with spots of blood before being washed away by the water. "T, you can't let her see."

"I can't let her see." I repeated with a whisper. He was right; I couldn't let Poppy see any of this. Not my tears, not my effort at trying to claw him off my skin, not my fear. "I want to throw my clothes out." 

"Do you want me to go and get you something else to wear?" Travis offered.

"Not now." I mumbled, peeking at him tentatively. "Could you help me get them away?" I didn't know if he would see this as crossing a line in our relationship or anything, but I couldn't stand to have these clothes on my body and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it myself. 

But Travis nodded without a moment of hesitation, and he shifted forwards to kneel in front of me. This time when he very gently touched one of my hands, I didn't freak out. My heart jumped, but I didn't feel like I had to pull away, and I gave him a small nod. I could do this. I had to do this so Poppy wouldn't know a world where she had to constantly be scared of this happening to her. Wary, but not terrified.

Slowly, I loosened my limbs where I'd wrapped myself into a tight ball. Travis moved at the slowest pace in case I needed him to stop, but when I didn't, he carefully took the hem of my sodden shirt and started to pull it up one inch at a time. My breath trembled when it passed my chest, but I just closed my eyes and reminded myself that Travis wasn't John. Travis was not him. He'd never do that to me. 

One item of clothing at a time, Travis helped me to undress, placing each sodden pile of fabric in the corner furthest from me until I was naked. Travis wrung the water from my clothes before tossing them out of the shower, getting them away from me. I rubbed my hands down my legs, scraping with my palms, still feeling it all over me. Tears started running down my cheeks again as I furiously wiped at my body to no avail, my skin still crawling.

"T, can you tell me what he did to you?" Travis asked quietly. "I need to know."

"He..." I sniffed. "He put his hands up my shirt, not under my bra though." I shuddered. "And he held my...my arms behind my back...and...and he put his hand...between my legs and tried go...fur...further." I hiccupped as I spoke, barely able to speak. "He didn't get any...anywhere else...I kicked him in the balls." 

"You know we need to go to the police."

"I know." I sniffled. "But I have no proof. He'll just say I was making it up or I took it the wrong way. You know how it goes." 

"No, T, that's not going to happen." Travis shook his head. "I'll make sure of it, because he needs to pay for what he did to you." He tucked his fingers under my chin, lifting it so I looked at him. "Do you really want Poppy to grow up in a world where it's okay to let people get away with this kind of shit?"

"No." I breathed. "You're right, I'll go in the morning."

"We will go in the morning." Travis corrected me. "After we drop Poppy at school." I nodded. "T I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry, this is so fucked up. I should have..."