''I want to live.''

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧名前-Name🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧

I want to die is my first thought when I wake I look up to my ceiling with those stars and moon stickers, why did Mother like them so much? ''Why?'' I reach for something as I put my arm up towards the ceiling. ''Whatever.'' I get up and begin my day. I look through my window I don't particularly care about the weather but look through in the hope of finding something like an apocalypse. It's sunny. My eyes hurt. The skies look nice.

I do the normal things humans are to do. I put on my uniform. It's a long white shirt with a skirt. I put on my black tights as I do not like revealing my skin, I never bother with my bland black hair it's straight and quite long I don't remember when I cut it. Hair holds memories they say. I put my blue bow in my hair, blue is beautiful to me I don't find many things beautiful it's harder for me to find the beauty of people. The world is just messed up, no one is truly beautiful. I look at Mother's picture. She was truly beautiful. I go down the stairs to eat ''Should I just fall?'' I mumble. When I reach the last step of the stairs--I take a deep breath, time to put on the facade.

''Good morning Father! How'd you sleep? And what do we have for breakfast?" ''Yes yes calm down! Take a seat it's your first day of 11th grade are you excited?'' He pats my head. I don't deserve him. ''Yes, so much I could barely sleep, eggs! Yummy yummy.'' We both eat our breakfast in silence, Mother was the chatty one or...so I've heard. ''Righto, I'll get going Father need to catch the bus and I am already LATE!'' I hug him tightly, you never know when it'll be the last time you see anyone. I grab my bag and put on my shoes ''Bye bye I'll get going.'' He comes rushing and smiles ''Take care, I'll see you soon.'' Smiling brightly I wave and leave my house. ''See you.''

On my way to the bus stop, there's nothing but death in my head, different ways to kill myself. These thoughts don't stop as much as I want them to they don't stop I need them to stop but they won't it hurts thinking about this because I don't have the guts to do any of them but I want to so bad. Why? Why is it like thi- I hit my head on something hard, ''Ouch.'' I look up from the ground to see someone's back. He turns, the sunlight behind him makes him look like an angel. I live in Tohoku, Japan--in the small town Hachimantai. We moved here from Osaka. You basically know everyone and everything here, I had never seen him though. Why would anyone move here, oh he's a student too.

He tilts his head ''You okay?'' The forbidden question. It makes a suicidal person go round and round, it's like a circle of answers but they're all mixed up. ''Hey'' He bends down to my height ''Dont go bumping in to people.'' Too close. I put my hand on my head and give an awkward smile to get a confused look back. Did I mess that up? I don't want attention. ''I'M SORRY, I WAS LOOKING.'' I give a small bow ''Sorry hehe!'' He had a Tokyo-Shitamachi-like dialect.

The bus is here, HE wasted my time. I don't want to run, it's too tiring, should I just walk to school, oh that'll take a long...I start walking faster to catch it ultimately jogging. Darn, this is too much work I completely stop my motion and look down giving up, Father wanted me to have a good first day, ill have to run..have to ru- ''EH?'' Why am I running so fast? My hand? Is that wait? ''EHHH???'' I look up to see him, again. My eyes go big.

He grabbed my hand and started sprinting. ''Stop the BUS!!!!!!'' I look up at him, his blonde hair flowing with the wind with his mouth turned upward and chuckling. Why? Looking at him, made me wanna catch up to him, what's he got to be that happy why does he look so carefree? I try to catch up, but a little too late- I bump into him again. ''Id-Idiot, what'd I saaay?'' I look at him, he's panting and out of breath. He looks funny trying to act cool. Is it okay to laugh? No. I shouldn't. I don't deserve happiness. I let go of his warm hand and get up on the bus, ''You're not getting on?'' ''I wanna get my steps in'' he smiles, He looks truly happy. The bus door closes in my face. He chuckles and waves. He looks like Mom. Oh, that's weird. Is he mouthing something? Huh? Oh!

''Runa Izanami.''

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

-Number of words-831

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟Authors Note𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Thank you for taking the time to read this story, this is my first ever book. Any comments would be appreciated, please be kind! I hope you'll stay with me on this journey. God bless:D