Obsession

Smile like your smile belongs to me

Hi, I'm Cindy, you probably know the story by now from the description so I don't need to tell you about how in love I am with Andy, but I will anyway... I've always been the kind of girl who falls for the first boy who gives her even an ounce of attention, I'm a hopeless romantic and all my life I have wanted to find love... but the thing about Andy is he is unlike any "crush" I've ever had... he doesn't even give me huge amounts of attention, he just exists, and somehow that's enough.

Andy is the kind of guy who doesn't have a huge friend group, he doesn't go out on weekends, he'd much prefer a cozy night in with a book, he's funny but he doesn't talk too much, he wants to fit in but he's not desperate, he's a bit of a dork I am not going to lie.. but it is one of the things I love so much about him.

I'm the kind of girl who has no social life, is always being asked why she's so quiet, nerve really fit in with the others and spends most of her time obsessing over fairytale love story's that I try to convince myself will happen some day. I'm a bit of a weirdo I'm not going to lie.. I had hoped it was one of the things he would love about me...

Me and Andy were in no way associated, we were in the same class, that's about it, he'd sit next to me sometimes, on the odd occasion hold the door on the way out, or on a really good day maybe even help me when I drop my books, which I usually do intentionally just to see if he will help me.

One of the things that really drew me to Andy was his smile... I still remember the first time he smiled at me... I was walking home one day and I saw him walk past... I had only known him such a short time at that point so I decided to get a good look at him... he has brown soft hair, pale skin and the most amazing smile... he smiled at me that day and my heart did a backflip... I smiled back and I've been counting every time it happened since...

I could go into detail for days about how each of these moments impacted my crush and how it grew stronger everyday I walked through the door and he smiled at me, but the truth is I don't have enough words in the world to describe how strong my feelings for him are...

I think what hurts me the most about this is that his smile is not mine... it feels so intimate like something we share but I see him smile at other people and realize how meaningless it probably is to him... how can it be the highlight of each of my days but just another face to him.. I often think about whether he has ever thought about me like that, whether he thinks I'm pretty, whether he notices the little things I do to make him notice, whether he likes me back.. or whether he likes somebody else...

I have no right to get so jealous when I see him talking to other girl, he isn't mine... at least.. not yet.