Welfare and Warfare

Chapter 38

Roughly Fifteen Years Ago

Ever since that night, Princess Cori's mind was a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions, a vituperative attack against herself for her actions, doubt, guilt, and regret, paired with fluttering and giddiness. Was this happiness? But then was seamlessly followed by more guilt for feeling so. She could not understand why what had happened was bad, or at least it felt like it should be. Cori sensed that it would have consequences, and it had something to do with what she had sensed in Corinna's mind.

Is there something wrong with me? Cori thought. It had started with just a simple kiss, then turned into more; it felt rushed as if the two had no more time left in the world. Cori had wished they had taken things slower, the kiss itself was all too much for her. It felt horrible to realise her feelings. It wasn't like she hated it, no perhaps she did but she did it for Corinna. How could Cori explain to someone without hurting their feelings that that was not what they wanted? That she found it uncomfortable? There must have been something wrong with her. Wasn't that what everyone wanted? And yet, Cori was satisfied with just holding hands; she knew it was more than friendship, despite her inexperience, that it was different from anything she had felt, and in that moment, she knew for certain how she felt about Corinna, how she had felt for quite some time now. But her expression of love seemed different to others, different to how Corinna wanted to express it. The rest of the world seemed to require a lot more physical intimacy than Cori did. Maybe it was because she was still young and everything was still new. Or there was something wrong with her.

Princess Cori waited in her room, unable to even read her book as her mind dwelt on everything that had happened last night. Corinna was coming again today. Would she be expecting to do the same thing again? Cori didn't know if she could again, not so soon without some form of mental preparation. It was already such an uncomfortable feeling to take her mask and gloves off, despite how long she had wished to take them off.

Eventually, Corinna Warren arrived. She acted as if nothing had happened at first, remaining cool and collected as the guards let her in, but as soon as those doors closed, she rushed over, bringing Cori into a tight embrace.

"I couldn't stop thinking about last night," she whispered into Cori's ear with a slight giggle.

Cori tensed up in her arms.

Corinna pulled away, her hands still gently holding the princess by the sides of her arms. "Cori? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," something caught in Cori's throat, and she struggled with even just one word.

"Cori?" Corinna hushed. She glanced down at the floor. "Is it about last night? Do you regret it? Was I bad?"

"What? No, I- well... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know if I liked it."

"Well, that's okay." Corinna smiled, though her voice was quivering slightly. "It was both our first time's, it was going to be terrible. I can do better next time. We'll get better at it."

Cori shook her head, shrugging away from Corinna's hold. "I... don't think I want to."

Corinna stared at her, her lip bottom lip wobbling before she pursed it shut. "Right," she croaked. "Sorry, I thought... I thought you felt the same way back in the mindscape and-"

"No! No, I do!"

"Is it because you will be queen? Because I don't care if you have to marry someone else. You can have consorts; we can still be together."

"No, that wasn't what I-"

"I can be your servant! Then we'll have more time together since you'll be busy as regent."