SR ε: Dry Veins (2021)

Ch.6: Singular

Trial and Error
Oct. 2nd

I wear my sunglasses at night. It just feels better. I must be very hung over. Not only does the dark and cold ease my headache, but it seems to dampen the electromagnetic waves that are dancing around the room.

I'm not really sure what they are, exactly. I just know that they're like... giant rings, floating and turning around and around. When one hits you, it feels fuzzy. Sometimes they're so hot it burns you on the inside. I got a hell of a shock from one in my head, and I was lost and confused for an hour. It felt like a Confuse attack from an RPG.

I can't "see" the rings, but I can feel them. Anticipate them. Everyone seems to have them, surrounding them. It must be their electromagnetic field! But why are theirs so much stronger than mine? Or is mine more compact? It turns out that wireless networks use Radio and Microwave transmission. That's a non-ionizing radiation, which means it can heat up molecules but can't make them radioactive. Each floor of both the school and the dorm buildings have a radio reciever, and there's a new cell tower in the city. It must be what I'm feeling. The radio towers must do the same thing, to a lesser degree. But radio can't heat up larger molecules, I guess.

There's a Pop-Science journal in the rec room that suggests that people and animals also give out these signals, and can receive one to determine the location and mood of others in a space. It turns out that just up the electromagnetic spectrum from microwaves is infrared light, which is similar to heat. So it's not unlikely. If nicotine users produce higher amounts of adrenaline, they could also burn more heat per second on average. They'd need a lot more fuel, though, which would explain the need for cheap and easy energy. Wait, is that even on-topic? What am I talking about? Maybe I'm fucking losing it here.

We learned about simple vs. complex sugars today in Biology. Simple sugars are in processed foods, and are broken down easily but cause insulin spikes, and leave the body vulnerable. Complex sugars, found in fruit, last longer because they're tougher to break down, and balance insulin. Somehow I feel that blood sugar must factor into this myth of vampirism. Are processed foods a key part of the addictive factor? I've noticed that nicotine users will usually munch on shitty junk food, then moooaaan and groooan and touch themselves over how fucking GOOOOOOD it is, oooooHOOOHhooOHHOHOHHHHHOHHHHHH yeah dude we get it, it's fucking potato wedges from the gas station, calm down.

Is it possible that complex foods can also, after the digestion process has entirely completed, stabilize a person's molecular structure, and therefore their electromagnetic field? Or does it stabilize their bodies, which then generates the field? A "softened" field would be more chaotic, and easy to break down. But a strong field could be more volatile, and tougher to destabilize. What I'd really like to know is why we need the fields to be so big AT ALL. Why is everyone's field like a good three feet around their body in all directions? Some people are casting their shit like a MILE in every direction. People in cars have theirs dulled, I think – maybe the metal absorbs the stray waves. Am I really observing electromagnetism or some kind of physical manifestation of possibility itself, like in quantum particle theory? Why is it a bad thing if the field is completely self-contained? And who benefits from another person having a weaker field in the first place? Is any of what I'm saying even real or is this just pseudo-scientific ass-pulling?

Yeah, I'm nerding out again. I need to do something cool. Maybe the real source of my power is... fruit? I felt really good after I drank that canned juice, and then again when I drank the orange juice at the game... I've been eating nothing but junk food all week, and I feel like shit. But I feel great when I eat fruit. Vegetables are... okay. I like a spicy radish or some carrots every now and then. I think they keep me from getting hungry, so I can enjoy the fruit. If I don't eat anything else, I'll probably get sick. If I don't want to get dragged into people's shit again tomorrow, I've really only got two choices. I can fall prey to every addiction in the book, and try to ride the mainstream to what HOPEFULLY isn't a dead end in the gnashing, automatic jaws of capitalists... OR I can do everything in my power to stay as healthy as possible, to the best of my knowledge, and avoid substances that I know will hurt me. Sure, people will be upset with me for trying so hard, and feel like I'm trying to make them feel bad for self-improving instead of relaxing with them. The thing is, we just don't relax the same way anymore. I like to sit in silence, listening to some soft jazz occasionally, on a semi-comfortable bed and drinking plenty of tea. I like to stare at nature!
This spring, we went to Caspar, the rocky mountain town where Daisy says I was born. We got hiking, and I said to myself, 'I can scale this whole damn thing if I feel like it!' Then I struggled to make it up a moderate hill because my thighs were on fire. Then we got to the top of the hill, and I saw the tops of those trees, like jade brushes in a valley of fog. I had such a complete change of heart over all of the crap food I was consuming. I took a good hard look at myself, and said, "Wow! I can do better." So I did. I've slipped up a few times here and there, but for the most part? I've put in more work to change than anyone I know. So I think it's time. Time for me... to SHINE!