☪ Shadow Living ☪

☪ Before Him ☪

[Raven's P.O.V.]

*two months before James moves in*

I was dreaming about nothingness. There was just black, just darkness. Was it a reflection of my soul? God, I really need to stop being so deep in the mornings. I rolled out of bed and landed on my feet, then shuffled to the window and braced myself for the misery that is the sun. I took a deep breath of the frigged coolness blasting from the air vent. This may not seem like a big deal but I cannot handle the sun in the mornings. My light blue eyes are blinded by the slightest light when I wake up. I took another deep breath and clenched my eyes so tight that I could see colors behind my eyelids and I threw open the curtains very dramatically like when they reveal 'Whats behind curtain number 2' on TV. I turn my back towards the window and slowly un-clench my eyes and open them.

Squinting, I walk to the bathroom to get ready for school. When I look in the mirror I immediately look away. I am disgusted at what I saw, an awkward, lanky girl staring back at me with God only knows how many bruises up and down her arms. "That's not me." I said. Because maybe, just maybe, if I said it out loud it would one day be true. I turn my attention to my the sink and sigh. This is my life, it is what it is, I have to get used to it. After staring at the sink for a while, I finally decide its time to get ready. I pull my hair back just to expose more cuts and bruises on my back. I turn on the hot water and start to wash my face. My movements slow and gentle, careful to not stretch or turn the wrong way and injure myself more. The warm water feels inviting on my cold skin. I dry off my face when I'm done and brush my teeth and do my usual get ready routine. I don't ever wear makeup, whats the point? Just to cover your face with a mask? No one would ever know who you really are, you're just a fake made-up version of yourself.

I walk to my closet and pick out my favorite fuzzy sweater, it was my cousins. I sigh and think of him, he was the only family member I've had who was nice to me, really the first person to be nice to me period. I slip into some light washed high-waisted jeans. I look in the full length mirror to make sure everything is covered. "Cute." I say with a half smile. I put on my round glasses and for my pony tail into a bun and prepare for one of the worst days of my life. The first day of junior year. "RAVEN GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Oh joy, my mother is calling me downstairs to leave for school. "Coming!" I grab my old black book bag and run down the stairs, God forbid I make the beast even more pissed. I laugh to myself because that was pretty funny.

"What are you laughing at little bitch?" she asked in a drunken state. She looked worse than I did, not because she was bruised but because she was so overweight and nasty. So... gross and dirty, a monster if you will. "Nothing mother, I'm sorry." she may be a foul beast but she's still my mother and I can't just give up on her. The same goes for all of my family. "Whatever, get your ass to school." she said. I grabbed some strawberries that I had cut and washed last night from the fridge and walk to the bus stop. This 2 minute walk to the bus stop helps clear my head and its also where I meet my best friend in the morning.

The bus is a very eventful place, you can watch someone throw food at someone else and watch a terrible attempt at making a porno at the same time. When I get to the bus stop Haeden isn't there, I worry just a bit because we are the only two girls that live in this neighborhood so in a minute or two if she didn't arrive I would have to stand here with a bunch of horny idiots. Right after that thought she comes running from around the corner. "Oh shit." I said. "What did she do this time?" I thought to myself.

"You know I don't run!" I yelled.

"To fuckin' bad you better get used to it! Run!!" she yelled when she was nearing closer to me.

"What did you do?!"

"Ahh, certainly didn't steal those idiot's hats if that's what you mean.