I would love a drink.
There is nothing poetic about this. I just want alcohol but all I can do is to garden. How do I feel now? Exposed, like I said earlier. A lot is running through my head but I want to stick to what I think is best for now. Certain things I have longed for about a year coming is here and I don't know how to feel about it.
Next paragraph.
I really hope I understand what I mean in the future. I am excited to read the two cup method message I wrote to see how far I have come. Hail poetry!
I love love but I don't know how to feel about it right now.
I meditated for the first time today in so long. Months. How was it? It was alright. I did not want to let go of my body so I just hovered and then fell asleep.
The dark nights. The lonely nights. I don't know if I feel emotions anymore. I really hope I am getting better and not finding new ways to intellectualize my feelings. I don't really feel much except anxiety. The meditation really helped calm me down. It felt a lot like those days in B402. I was trying so hard not to go insane. I think I have numbed all my emotions and so I have no idea how to or how I really feel. I have an idea of how I am supposed to feel but do I feel it? Nope
I manifested a few things like love, fixing my mess, school and some cutesy stuff. Can't wait. It feels different now. I feel like I am in the future, no? Maybe. I can't wait for this to be over.
Yellow.
I have been feeling a lot yellow lately but I am trying so hard not to give in. I hope win this battle
Purple.
I have been feeling a lot purple lately but I am trying so hard. I hope I win this battle.
I use purple and yellow to describe when I am suicidal and when I am happy and at peace (in no particular order) can you guess which is which?
