Trigger warning
"He can do so much better than y/n"
"I can't believe Ethan still wastes his time with that piece of shit"
"Y/n kill yourself. You don't deserve him"
The hate I get just keeps coming and coming. I know I shouldn't look at it but I can't help it. It doesn't help that the fans are mostly right. I most definitely don't deserve someone as amazing as Ethan.
Being with Ethan is amazing and I'm so lucky that he has stayed with me this long. He doesn't know that some days his smile is all that keeps me from cutting myself. But today I knew that wouldn't be the case.
"Y/n I hope you fucking cut yourself and die"
"Y/n, Ethan doesn't need you. You hold him down"
I retweeted one of the tweets And I walked to the bathroom and grabbed the blade from under the sink.
Placing the blade on my wrist, I make one quick slash and watch the blood ooze out of the cut. It feels like I can take a real breath. I continue until I feel like I can breathe again. The pain from my mind releasing onto my body.
I clean up my mess and clean the cuts a little bit. I go back to my room and throw on a sweatshirt incase someone comes over. Grabbing my phone, I see a bunch of texts from Ethan.
Ethan: Baby are you okay?
Ethan: I saw your Twitter, baby answer me.
Ethan: that's it. I'm coming over.
The last text was sent about 10 minutes ago which means he might be over soon. I hear the door open and I know it's him. I decide to make my way down stairs to greet him. Walking down the stairs I see Ethan with worry in his eyes. He collides with me and all I can hear is:
"Baby are you okay!"
"I was so worried about you"
"I love you so much"
He doesn't know that I cut myself which just made me feel guilty as hell.
"Let's cuddle, I need to feel you safe in my arms" he said. I nodded agreeing. We go into my room and lay down.
We drift into silence and I feel him tracing shapes onto my arms and when he gets to my wrist, I stop breathing. I hope he doesn't notice but he did.
"Are your wrists okay? What happened?" He questioned.
Tears pricked my eyes and I refused to answer. He lifted up my sleeve and I heard the gasp that made my heart shatter.
"Baby no" he murmured.
I turned around and sat up so I was facing him.
"I'm sorry" I choked out.
"You could've come to me baby. I'm not leaving you." He spoke. There where tears streaming down his face and I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've really seen him cry.
"Let me save you" he said and he eventually did.
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A/n: not trying to romanticize self harm but writing about it helps me escape my reality. I cried writing this. Comment if you did reading it.
