another vent-

i dont fucking know anymore

why tf am i putting this out here, idk. i don't have people irl, so what else am i supposed to do?

everythings so stressful, i'm scared of everything, and i fucking hate it.

i'm living through hell. fucking hell.

was it that much to ask for to just be fucking happy? to just be able to be a kid? no, my life is fucking over. its not fair. there's nothing left to even hope for anymore.

i can't fucking do this anymore. i've always had to be the one looking out for myself. i am and always have been my only emotional support. i don't have people in my life. everyone else my age is having fun with their childhood and i'm just here

i feel so sick. i've felt unwell almost nonstop for the past almost two years now, but no one cares.

i dont feel like going into extreme detail here tbh like i did on my last one, idk, i got so self-conscious when i realized ppl actually read it and i deleted it so fast-

every day i feel like i'm going to die. the constant dizzy spells and hard to breathe and stuff. i feel so physically weak. i used to be strong until i became homeless, then everything spiraled.

in 2022 we secured housing but it just wasnt the same. Its so detaching, you dont feel like anything is yours anymore. It took me so long to finally unpack the boxes of my new room

i have nothing to look forward to. all that's ever going to happen is me just being made fun of and excluded.

im constantly worried about my health, if im going to die like my father did. i have random chest pains that freak me out, but we cant afford healthcare so whatever.

its getting out of control

my mom says im annoying and that i make everything three times worse, yells at me, sometimes hits me/drags me if shes mad enough. everyone else thinks im annoying too. i can't remember a time where anyone irl outside of my immediate family (bc they think theyre obligated to) has ever told me that i'm beautiful, ik its a superficial thing to want to hear, idk. i just want to matter to someone

i just want the pain to go away. i just want to be normal, but i cant be. idk who i am anymore

there's nothing left in life anymore. every thing is just so empty. nothing i do is ever good enough. i try so hard. no one thinks i do, ppl think im lazy and dumb, but it takes so much to just get up every day and act fine.

i hate this