Love Deferred

chapter 22: to the moon and back

Fides visited her hate/anger club studio... She booked one session room for her... As she stood in the center of the dimly lit room, the walls padded and soundproofed, designed for moments just like this. It was the club's hate/anger release room, a sanctuary for those who needed to let their emotions erupt without restraint. Her fists clenched at her sides, her breathing ragged, she could feel the torrent of emotions boiling within her, begging for release.

She took a deep breath, her chest heaving, and then she let it out in a roar that echoed off the walls, "I hate you, Andrei!" Her voice cracked, but she didn't care. The words had been festering inside her for too long. "I hate you, Atty Roxas!"

Her eyes were wild, her heart pounding in her chest as she paced the small room. Memories of Andrei flooded her mind—the way he used to look at her, the warmth of his smile, the way he made her laugh. And then, the coldness, the rejection, the silence that followed. It had all left a deep scar on her heart, one that she couldn't ignore any longer.

"Soon I will put in your mouth the antidote of your medicine!" she screamed, her voice trembling with anger and pain. She grabbed a cushion from the couch and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud and slid to the floor, but it wasn't enough. She needed to feel the physical release, to match the storm inside her.

"I hate you to the moon and back?" she spat, the question hanging in the air like a challenge. How could he have come back into her life now, when she had finally started to piece herself back together? "I hate you forever!" she yelled, her voice breaking as tears streamed down her face.

Fises sank to her knees, sobs wracking her body. She pressed her hands to her face, trying to hold herself together, but it was no use. The dam had broken, and there was no stopping the flood of emotions. Anger, hurt, love, disappointment—they all swirled together, creating a maelstrom that threatened to consume her.

Why had he come back? Why now? She had finally found a semblance of peace, a fragile stability, and now he was here, turning everything upside down. She hated him for it, but she also hated herself for still caring. For still feeling that flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, things could be different this time.

But she couldn't let herself go there. Not again. She had to be strong, had to protect herself from the pain that Andrei always brought with him.

Fides took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. She stood up, her legs shaky but determined. She wouldn't let him break her again. This time, she would be ready. This time, she would guard her heart and hold onto the strength she had found within herself.

With one final, fierce scream, she let out the last of her anger and pain. "I hate you, Andrei!" The words echoed through the room, a declaration of her resolve. She was done being hurt. Done being vulnerable. She would face Andrei on her terms, and she would come out stronger.

As the echoes faded, Fides felt a sense of calm wash over her. She had released her pain, her hurt, and her disappointment. Now, she could face whatever came next with a clear mind and a guarded heart.

Fides leaned against the padded wall, her breathing gradually returning to normal. The rawness in her throat reminded her of the intensity of her outburst, but it also signaled a release, a momentary relief from the storm that had raged within her. She wiped the last of her tears and took another deep breath, feeling a bit lighter, albeit exhausted.

She went out of the room and proceed to her office in the studio...Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She hesitated before pulling it out, fearing another message from Andrei, another disruption to her fragile peace. But curiosity got the better of her. She unlocked the screen and saw a message from her best friend, Lisa.

"Hey, just checking in. Heard you and Andrei meet. Are you okay?"

Fides let out a bitter laugh. Of course, word had spread quickly. She typed back a quick response.

"I'm okay. Just needed to vent. Thanks for checking in."

Constantine replied almost immediately. "Want to talk about it? Or need some distraction?"

Fides thought for a moment. She didn't feel like talking about Andrei any more than she already had, but a distraction sounded perfect.

"Distraction, please. Meet up for coffee?" Fides

"On my way. Usual place?" Constantine

"Yes. See you soon." Fides

Fides put her phone away and took one last look around the room. It felt emptier now, like it had absorbed some of her pain, her anger. She gathered herself and left the room, her steps steady and purposeful. The club's main area was bustling, a stark contrast to the solitude of the anger release room. She navigated through the crowd, nodding politely at familiar faces but not stopping for conversation.

Outside, the evening air was cool and refreshing. She made her way to the café where she and Constantine often met. It was their sanctuary, a place of comfort and familiarity. As she approached, she saw Constantine already sitting at their usual table, a comforting sight in the midst of her turmoil.

Constantine stood up and hugged her tightly as she arrived. "You look like you've been through the wringer," she said softly.

Fides managed a small smile. "You could say that."

They ordered their drinks and settled into their seats. The café was warm and inviting, filled with the comforting aroma of coffee and the quiet hum of conversation. FiDes felt a sense of calm beginning to wash over her.

Constantine reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "You don't have to go through this alone, you know."

"I know," FiDes said, her voice steadier now. "It's just... seeing him again, it brought back everything. The good, the bad, all of it."

Constantinea nodded. "I get it. But remember, you're stronger now. You've grown so much since then. Don't let him take that away from you."

Fides took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right. I can't let him undo everything I've worked for."

They spent the next hour talking about anything but Andrei. They laughed, reminisced about old times, and made plans for the future. Slowly, Fides felt her strength returning, bolstered by the support and love of her friend.

As they were getting ready to leave, Constantine looked at her seriously. "Whatever happens with Andrei, just remember that you're not defined by him or his actions. You have your own life, your own path. Don't let him derail that."

Fides smiled, feeling a renewed sense of determination. "I won't. Thanks, Constatntine."

Walking back home, Fides felt a sense of clarity. She knew Andrei's return would continue to stir emotions within her, but she was determined not to let it overwhelm her. She had faced her anger, her pain, and her disappointment, and she had come out stronger.

She was ready to face whatever came next, on her terms. Andrei might have disrupted her peace, but he wouldn't break her again. Fides was in control of her own story, and she intended to write it with strength, resilience, and unwavering self-respect.

The next morning, FiDes woke up feeling a sense of purpose. She dressed carefully, choosing an outfit that made her feel confident and powerful. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she reminded herself of Constantine's words. She wasn't defined by Andrei or his actions. She had her own life, her own path, and she was determined to walk it with her head held high.

Her phone buzzed with a message from work, reminding her of a meeting later that morning. She grabbed her things and headed out, embracing the crisp morning air as she walked to her office. The city was already bustling with activity, and FiDes felt a surge of energy as she joined the flow of people moving through the streets.

At the office, Fides threw herself into her work. She greeted her colleagues with a smile, handled her tasks efficiently, and contributed actively in meetings. Despite the occasional intrusive thought of Andrei, she managed to keep her focus. Her determination was like a shield, protecting her from the emotional turmoil that had plagued her the day before.