I Can't Make You Gay

Prologue    

     I watched as the girl in the reflection took a lock of hair in her hand and cut it off. Tears mixed with mascara kept streaming down her face at the sound of the scissor-cuts. They kept streaming down of the thought her mother, her brother and of her sacrifice she was about to do.

     I picked up the brush to comb away all the hair strands that didn’t fall to the ground, and then shook off the hair on my shoulders; the girl in the reflection did the same stimulating movements as I. I turned on the faucet so warm water poured down, and shoved my face under it to wash away all my makeup, then raised my head to meet the girl’s eyes.

     She no longer looked as feminine. She looked like… Jay.

     You could always tell that we were brother and sister, Jay and I. We looked like twins even though I was two years older than him. It was our personalities that separated us, and of course our gender. He was always the loud one, the attention whore as I use to call him while I was the good quiet girl. Well except around him.

     Jay’s death was a big shock to us all. And the way he died shocked us even more. Sure he was popular, good looking and above all, a really good human being, but never in my wildest dreams could I imagine him being unhappy, even depressed enough to take his own life.

     It was horrible. We all heard about the suicide in the nurse’s office that morning but I didn’t think much of it. Actually I didn’t care at all; it had nothing to do with me. I don’t take satisfaction in prying into somebody else’s life. Besides it didn’t even happen in my school.

     I had math on my fifth period, when I was called to the principal’s office, and found out that my brother had died. They allowed me to leave early that day to see him. Apparently he drowned in his own vomit. I know disgusting right. Doctors said he took an overdose of sleeping pills which his body couldn’t handle so when he lost conciseness his body tried to clean it out, by vomiting.

     I couldn’t believe my brother committed suicide until I saw him lying there in the mortuary. He looked like he was sleeping and even then I couldn’t believe he was dead. I shook him, slapped him and screamed at him until I finally burst out in tears pleading him to wake up.

     ‘P-pleeease Jaaay, it’s not funny anymore. Hic… wake u-huc-uuuup!’ My mother walked in and saw my breakdown. Her gaze went from me to Jay then she hugged me bursting out in tears as well.

     She is a strong woman my mother. But that year changed everything. As time went by she would at times forget that Jay was dead and sometimes mistake me for Jay. It just became worse and worse. Father left us soon after and mother was struggling to provide food on the table.

     Two years has passed and mother has completely forgotten about my existence. When I reminded her that I am not Jay she would lock herself in her room for days then come out as if nothing happened, but she would still think of me as Jay. She has even tried committing suicide a couple of times when told her Jay was dead.

     I’ve had enough. If she wanted Jay I’ll give her Jay. She has already completely forgotten about me anyway. We need to survive and I can’t think of another way to save her.

     This is it. I looked at my reflection one more time before turning my back.

     “God Bye Skyler Walker”