Flower road

4. Friendship

Song: Honesty, by Park Jong Mi and Lee Pil Ho

During my time in primary school, having friends was important to me. It made me feel safe and happy. I always thought about it, from the moment I walked into class to when we played outside. One memory stands out: the day I had a fight with my best friend.

She was popular in our class, always getting attention and getting things right. She usually got what she wanted, too. I remember when my mom bought me a pack of colorful gel pens. I was so happy and took them to school. It was common for students to bring cool stuff to show off. That's when my best friend came up to me and said something nice about my gel pens.

I was happy about the compliment. It felt cool that the popular girl in class talked to me. I felt special. Then she asked if she could borrow my pens. Of course, I said yes. But when she returned them, half were missing. When I asked where they went, she just said she lost them, with a smirk on her face. It was like she didn't care at all. I felt really upset. This kind of thing happened a few times. But what really puzzles me is my reaction. Normally, you'd think I'd get mad at her and stop talking to her. But for some reason, I kept being friends with her and let her get away with it every time. Why was it so hard to say no?

As I've grown older, I've become more selective about who I allow into my inner circle of friends. It's like I'm trying to shield myself from being hurt again. I'm in a constant defensive mode, trying to teach myself to stand up for myself. It's a never-ending struggle, but I keep holding onto the hope that I can become more confident. But sometimes, it feels like I'm being too hard on myself. On one hand, I enjoy meeting new people and having fun. But on the other hand, I'm hesitant. When I observe the friendships around me, I see a strong sense of confidence. People seem unafraid to be themselves, without worrying about others' opinions. And then I wonder, why does it feel so difficult for me to feel at ease when I talk to others? Why does it require so much effort and thought? Why does confidence sometimes seem like arrogance? Why is it so easy to doubt myself?

Dear bully,

I wanted to take this opportunity to reach out and share my thoughts and feelings about the experiences we've had in the past. I believe that open and honest communication is crucial to promote understanding and growth.

First, I want to clarify the impact your actions have had on me. The pain and damage caused by your behavior was profound and long-lasting. It took me a lot of time and strength to overcome the negative effects it was having on my self-esteem and overall, my well-being. I want you to understand the seriousness of your actions and the lasting impact they can have on someone's life.

Bullying in any form can leave permanent scars on anyone, and I am no exception. However, I am not writing to dwell on the past, but to encourage responsibility and understanding. I hope you can reflect on your actions and the impact they have had on my life.

It is important to recognize that each of us has the power to influence others, both positively and negatively. We have a choice in how we treat those around us, and the consequences of our actions can be far-reaching. While it may be difficult to fully understand the extent of the damage caused, I believe that acknowledging the responsibility we have for our actions is an important step towards personal growth and change.

I share my experience with you in the hope that it will foster empathy and encourage you to reflect on your own behavior. It is my sincere wish that you understand the importance of treating others with kindness, respect, and compassion. By taking responsibility for our actions, we have the power to create a more positive and inclusive environment for all.

I am not writing this to hold on to negativity. Instead, I write this with conviction that personal growth and change is possible for everyone. It is my hope that we can both learn from this experience and work towards building a more understanding and empathetic society.

I wish you the best on your journey of self-reflection and personal growth.

All the best,

........

It was a difficult time when I was bullied at the beginning of my high school years. Not physically but mentally. Receiving comments about my clothes, my appearance and addressing my comments I made during math lessons. At the beginning of my high school years, I knew how insecure I still was and how the bully was able to find my weak point and take advantage of it. It was a terrible period. A period when I dared to go to school or have lunch in the canteen. I hid in the toilet so I wouldn't encounter them during school breaks. This was the moment when I realized how easily someone could exploit another person's weakness. Because I struggled to stand up for myself, the bully found a way to manipulate me. As an insecure high school student, I experienced a kind of fear when it came to saying no to people. My thoughts at the time were that if I said no, they would bully me even more, and I knew deep down that I never had the strength or courage to stand up to them because I felt so foolish. I never felt as strong as they did. Reflecting on it now, I would give myself a hug, hold my own hands, and confront the bully. Poor me.