Refined Ingracia

Kabanata 36

The twins

At this moment can you come back and hold my hand then say "baby I'm here." I needed that William, please come back to me.

I felt the needle was injected in my left shoulder and my senses started to get back. I woke up on the way to the emergency room. Where the EMS assisted on while a doctor checked the vital signs.

The Dextrose caught my eyes hanging in the corrugated metal aluminium sheet where the hose connected on my arms and it was dripping fast per second, this is bad.

I need to be strong and I will.

I promise you my babies, you'll be safe.

I love you, you're all I have now.

I look around to see where I am, Mommy Fenna was inside the room with me, she's the only family inside where the nurse's giving her some advice on what to do.

The doctor nods his head in the distance but turns around and walks to the table checking and maybe prepares to start the operation. My eyes widened to my realization they wanted me into caesarian.

No.

I panic, I compose my mouth to say, " I want a normal delivery." I quickly said. It terrified me having those scars on me. Yes, I'm afraid of being cut. It scares the hell out of me. I'd keep looking at the doctor for an answer though I'm in pain I set aside my hurtful face waiting for her response to my request.

Please listen to me, doctor.

My hand is sweating and my face is cold.

She looked reluctant at first, maybe because mom beside me or maybe she was instructed by doing so.

No.

I glanced back at mommy Fenna for help, I pleaded my eyes at her by asking please, not long enough she nodded at me and smiled a little to satisfy my plead that she agreed with me.

A mischievous took me.

Finally I can breathe now, then I realized i hardly breathe a few minutes ago, her reply overwhelmed me.

Thank god.

I have to assure them to believe me, " I can do it doctor." She nodded and carried on quickly.

Mommy Fenna comes closer and she holds my hand.

I can tell she has words to say so I cut her first to trust me to do it, "I can do it mom, trust me." I say with confidence.

I throw the sickly feeling that grows closer inside of me, with one distinct reason of being cut and it result to get a scars, a scars I'll carry for the rest of my life, even though there are alternative of fixing it but the truth cannot hide it will hurts for sometimes or occasionally where i can not imagine myself on that state of feelings.

"Grace you lost so much blood and your strength isn't that enough.." Her expression twists with worry before she closes her eyes and I hope of trust.

Carefully I massage my stomach as i look at it, in a few minutes i can hold them in my arms, a joy celebrating in my chest and a smile slip on my lips, some part of my head thinking of him, this is the day we are waiting and he isn't here with me, a tears fill down of my eyes.

I swallow before I say, "Please I want it, I can do it."

She tried to ask another question but she slightly nodded to her response.

I saw pain in her eyes but I know that she is half trusted me.

She gave me her assuring smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.