This Is Love

Chapter 1: Perfect

The rest of the night was a blur. A candlelight blur, filled with hand holding and warm smiles, whispered sweet nothings and roses. It should have been romantic. This was a perfect date. Perfect setting, perfect dress, perfect food. Yet it isn't perfect. Not without the perfect guy.

As we walked to my house hand in hand, I looked at Jacob. His perfectly ironed suit, the dark blue perfectly complementing his lightly tanned skin. His dark brown hair fell over his face in waves. He's not bad looking. Handsome even. And his eyes. A dark green, the kind you can get lost in. But the longer you look into them, the more you realize how empty they are. They make me uneasy. Maybe it's the way they seemingly absorb all light, leaving behind a sort of murkiness. Maybe it's their tendency to follow all the girls he deems hot.

Jacob stops walking, breaking my train of thought. I look up to see we have reached my porch.

"Well," I say, keeping my eyes locked on my front door. "This was nice. Thank you."

"Anything for you babe," Jacob says, squeezing my hand.

"I should go now. Bye." I tug my hand away, seeking the comfort of my room.

Jacob pulls me back, bringing me into a kiss. I freeze. It takes a few seconds for Jacob to take his lips off mine, seemingly unknowing of my discomfort.

"Bye," I say again, releasing myself from Jacobs embrace.

I quickly walk to my front door, taking my keys out of my purse.

"See you tomorrow babe," I hear Jacob say behind me. I nod, unlocking my door and rushing inside before Jacob can pull me into another kiss.

Once inside, I kick off my heels and hang my jacket on its hook. I walk into the living room, looking around to ensure it's empty. Once my loneliness is confirmed, I slump onto the couch, pulling out my phone to call Jessica, my best friend.

After what happened on the last "romantic" date Jacob took me on a few months ago, Jessica has made me promise to call her right after every single outing with him. She claims it's so that she can hear about all the details before anyone else, but we both know the real reason. Jessica pretends to be me and Jacob's biggest supporter but I know she wants nothing more than for me to break up with him. She's told me to dump him multiple times. But to anyone besides our group of friends, Jessica might as well already have our wedding planned. She's really one of the only people I can confide in, at least with my relationship with Jacob. Sadie, Rachel and Aaron all know how I feel about Jacob, but they don't really understand why I haven't broken up with him yet. Jessica does.

"Hey," I say quietly when Jessica answers.

"Heyyyyy Suzie. So, how was it?"

"I don't know. It was.... Romantic, I guess? Like he was clearly trying to make it seem that way."

"Hmm. Did he try anything?" I hear Jessica's voice tilt up, indicating her suspicion.

"No, no. He didn't. We just kissed a few times."

"Okay," there's a rustling sound coming from the phone, indicating Jessica just sat down. "So. How do you feel?"

"I don't Jess. I don't really feel like anything. It's just life now I guess. The sky is blue. I'm dating Jacob. It is our one year anniversary after all."

I hear Jessica sigh over the phone. "Look, Suzie, I get going on one date with the guy. He's cute, I guess. All the good girls fall for the hot-bad boy-womanizers in romance novels and manage to change his ways. But you know the difference between the good girl-bad boy trope and you and Jacob?"

I roll my eyes, knowing what's coming next.

"You have NOT managed to change Jacob and, despite what you keep telling yourself and everyone else, you have NOT fallen for him. Maybe it's time to call it quits."

"Jess I-"

"No Suzie. Don't go all 'I can fix him, no really I can' on me." I smirk. It isn't a phone call with Jessica without at least one Taylor Swift reference. "Did you see him at the football game last weekend? Sure, you might have been the one he blew a kiss too when our school won the game, but it was the cheer captain, not the girl in the bleachers he was staring at throughout halftime. Either you break up with him or I will."

"Look, I know you think he's-"

"A stupid, sexist, entitled, good for nothing womanizer?"

"Yes, that," I'm too tired for this. "But he's not all that bad."

"Suzie," Jessica sighs. "I know that what you're going to say, so don't bother lying. But answer me this: do you want to be with him? Like actually, really want to be with him? Because if you do, I'll leave you alone. But if you don't, break up with him. Seriously."

"Jessica, you know I've tried to break up with him. He always gets so sad. I can't break his heart. Not right now. It's our anniversary. Besides, he treats me alright."

Jessica stays silent for a few minutes. "Whatever Suzie. I've got to go to bed. See you tomorrow."

"Bye Jess. I love you."

"Love you too."

Jessica hangs up the phone. I get up off the couch and glance at my phone. It's 11:16. Damn. Jessica and I have been talking for way longer than I thought. I should get to bed. Tomorrow is a Sunday but I've got to get up early for Sunday school and then lunch with my friends. I stumble over to the kitchen for a glass of water then head upstairs. When I get to the bathroom, I see my mom brushing her teeth at the sink.

"Hey." I say, setting down my shower stuff and going to stand next to my mom. She stops brushing her teeth and turns to me.

"Hey. I heard you come in but then you started talking to someone on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt. How was your date?"

My mom knows about Jacob (obviously) but she doesn't like him that much. She is one of the few people he hasn't managed to charm. Despite this, she thinks that he isn't all that bad, and accepts my relationship with him. She doesn't know how I feel about it though. I love her, but I know that if she knew how trapped I felt, she would overreact and take things way out of proportion.

"It was nice," I say cheerfully. Maybe a little too cheerfully, cause my mom eyes me suspiciously.

"Hmm. You know that you can talk to me about anything, right Suzie?"

"I know mom."

Mom looks at me a little longer and then shrugs.

"Okay," mom gives me a hug before leaving the bathroom. "Go to bed sweetie," she says, pausing at the doorway. "And let your dad know if you see his glasses. He's lost them again."

"Will do. Love you."

"Love you."

Mom leaves the bathroom. I get started on my night time routine, showering and washing my hair before brushing my teeth and putting on my pajamas. I walk out of the bathroom and downstairs to where the guinea pigs are.

"Hi babies," I say quietly, reaching my hand into the cage to pet my tan guinea pig, bubbles, and then my black and white guinea pig, nibbles. I reach down to take some ahy from the bins and place it in the cage, smiling as they squeak loudly and then go to eat the hay. I blow them kisses. "Good night. Love you."

I head back upstairs to my room, blowing kisses to my mom and dad as I pass their bedroom door.

Once in my room, I flopped onto my bed. I turn on a night light and reach for the book on my bedside table, Better Than The Movies. I love romance novels. The more cheesy and cliche, the better. This is my place of comfort. Snuggled up in my blankets, I get to block out the real world and get lost in a story where the girl always gets her perfect guy, her happy ending. The embodiment of all I wish I could have. 

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I would like to dedicate this chapter to Sunset, @SunsetMercer, one of the first people to ever read the beginning of this story, who encouraged me to keep writing it. Sorry the update is 3 months late...... 

Thoughts? Criticism?

As always, thank you so much for reading <3