how to love

chapter seven

JULES THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OKAY. why did she leave? what was she going to do now.

""her BP isn't responding to fluids. we need to out her on pressers if we're going to keep her alive." schmitt sighed, looking over to jules with sympathy. dr. altman, kwan, and schmitt stood, weighing their options.

"great. more things she didn't want. max was very clear. she was DNI and DNR, and dr. kwan blatantly ignored that." jules yelled, she was so over this, she was so over everything. max could die, and people are just ignoring what she specifically wanted.

"you can't keep going against her wishes. before you do anything else, you need to speak with maxine's medical proxy." teddy stated, this was the last thing she needed today.

"i can call her son." the young woman offered, he was the only member left of maxine's family, other than her divorced husband, who she assumed wasn't who she would choose.

"her medical proxy isn't her son." kwan said, looking up from her chart. this was about to get a lot worse.

"it's you." kwan finished, looking over to jules, making schmitt sigh.

"then it's dr. millin's decision. you either put her on pressors, or you extubate her and hope for the best." dr. altman stated, crossing her arms.

what does she do? she can't live in a world without maxine, and right now that idea is seeming very real. max didn't want to be a potato, she was very clear on that. but she can't go ahead and kill her. she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

"pressors will keep her alive longer, but it's more about considering her-," jules couldn't think, so many thoughts rushing through her head, dr. altman not making it any easier.

"can you just be quiet for a minute? i need to think." the girl blurted, looking down.

"dr. altman, is there a chance she'll make it if we remove the tube?" jules asked, making teddy frown.

"you know i can't answer that." she replied, jules knew that, she was just praying for one little chance.

jules felt so many emotions, nodding in response to altman. her throat had a lump in it, she just wanted to let it all out. but she couldn't, she had to stay strong. maxine meant the world to her, she was the only consistent person that actually cared for her. she cared more than her real family.

"uh, fine. we'll put her on pressors." jules said painfully, everyone could hear the weight in her voice.

"i'm on it." kwan responded, hoping to somehow help her in someway.

"don't talk to me." she demanded, walking down the hall, trying to find an on call room.

amelia spotted the distressed girl from down the hallway, rushing towards her.

it was happening again, she was struggling to breathe, she leaned against a wall in the hallway, trying to be aware of her surroundings.

5 things you can see, she can see a lot of things, there were so many people. she was performing acupressure on her hands, still trying to look around.

"jules, are you alright?" someone said, making her jump in shock. her head snapped to the person, it being dr. shepherd, she shook her head, still trying her hardest to breathe. tears slipping down her face.

"okay, come here." amelia replied, bringing her into the empty supply closet.

"look at me, follow my breathing." amelia told the girl, her trying to slow her breathing down. it was a lot less worse than last time,