I closed my bag. I’d packed enough for exactly one night. The major family's Christmas party was tomorrow, and I was expected to attend. My parents insisted it would look bad if I stayed away, and they were probably right. If your uncle invited you to a party, you were expected to attend. I’d leave tomorrow morning and then return the day after. Perhaps I should have aimed to spend more time with my future family, considering the kittisawat would be there, too, but losing porsche was still too fresh. So far, I’d avoided social gatherings altogether. I hadn’t even attended Peem’s fiftieth birthday party.
Peem’s name flashed on my cellphone. I considered not taking the call. He wouldn’t call me for good news. None of our recent conversations had been remotely pleasant. Maybe uncle korn had canceled his fucking Christmas party. Of course, Peem wouldn’t call me for something like that. I didn’t want to attend it anyway, but not attending would suggest I was still hung up on porsche.
Peem, what can I do for you? I’m busy.”
“I won’t take long. I just . . . I have to tell you something.”
From the tone of his voice, I knew I’d hate whatever he had to say.
“What is it?”
“porsche is pregnant. he’s seventeen weeks along.”
The news hit me like a sledgehammer. Another reminder of how kinn had taken him from me. As if even from afar he’d found another way to humiliate me by showing me again how he’d dishonored my fiancée.
“I thought it best that you hear it from us and not someone else.”
“How considerate of you,” I gritted out, feeling like my insides were going up in flames. Anger had become a familiar companion. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“I’d understand if you decided not to attend due to these circumstances.”
Everything in me screamed to take the easy way out. I didn’t want to see porsche again, especially not now that I knew he carried kinn’s child. Yet, my pride was in tatters and I wouldn’t allow anyone to stomp it to the ground completely, especially not my cousin kinn. “I don’t see why I should. Porsche is no longer my concern. Pete is my fiancée now.” Even I could hear the lingering bitterness in my voice.
Peem cleared his throat. “Very well. See you then.”
For a long time after I ended the call, I stared at nothing.
The whirr of the wheelchair announced macau’s appearance. I schooled my features into an expression of calm when he appeared in the doorframe.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his too-attentive eyes taking in my face. Macau knew me too well, and he was simply too good at reading other people’s emotions.
“I’m fine,” I pressed out. he was too young to be weighed down by my problems. Besides, he had his own issues to conquer.
he bit his lip. “Okay.”
Forcing a smile, I walked over to him and squeezed his shoulder. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
I’ll be with Mom and Dad then, right?”
I nodded, but then an idea struck me. “Why don’t you come along? I’m in need of company.”
His entire face transformed into pure joy and surprise. “Really? Won’t I be a bother?”
I squatted in front of him and gripped his knees. “You aren’t a bother, macau.”
Having macau with me in ChingMai would certainly hold me back, which was exactly why I needed macau there with me. I rarely lost my shit when he was around. I wanted to protect him from that side of me, and I really needed someone to stop me from losing my shit. Seeing porsche again might very well make me lose it altogether.
