Thoughts and White Gaze

Thoughts 🤔💭 and White Shirt 👔

It was March first week, we all were winding with the semester. It was my second year of college. There was so much to look at. People say relationships hurts, but for me it has been friendship. I believe wherever and whoever has put their soul in any relationship, the one who loves the most ends up getting most hurt. Why is it so?? Maybe being more Human is an emotional turmoil and people judge them as weak. It's ok to feel emotional, it's ok to cry, it doesn't makes you weak just reflects more of you as human. It's ok to be sensitive rather than being insensitive. Life is not equal for anyone and equality and equity hardly have its balance. Having a boon of something costs you a fortune of not having some. A non negotiable trade maybe. So it was the second last day of my college, I was wearing my white Shirt. The white was a bit shining and it was looking cool. It was simple but still extra and i love it. I entered college early that day. Our first lecture was free, but still I came early as my mind was running and it needed a lapse. I walked slowly and then sat on the stairs besides the gate. While closing my eyes, a pool of emotions started racing on a horse. Students kept on entering the gate and left, they seemed to catch a glimpse of me wondering what I was doing. But I had my eyes just looking down on the ground. Is being sincere enough, is being considerate enough, am as I person is lacking which needs reformation? such all things stumbled on my mind. While I had my good days, my bad days were the worst. It made me have an existential crisis. As humans everyone has their joys and sorrows, but is it fair that's the questionable quotient. As I was immersed in myself and wanted to cry out, but somehow my cries were dried. Then I hear someone calling me - Hey Sam what are you doing here sitting all alone. She was not the first to ask, but genuineness was first, She waved and sat near me. Rosy was pretty and her voice brought me out of the shell. My  classmate, but good companion to add on. She asked - What happened, friend. Hearing on her question, I started with my graved feelings, I told why friends don't understand you, how can they together ghost or leave you behind. Why some random person who came recently wants to break us and i am the only one who can see it, how others are letting me be left behind. A friendship for friendship is too much to ask for. To which she smirked and said that in life you will get such people, my dear friend. There will be such friends who will let you drown, will act as helpers but will choose to ignore the screams yelling to be saved. Only you should matter to yourself. You may get certain good people in the future, but don't settle for those who let your heart break intentionally and never come to address you. Her words of wisdom gave me comfort. It didn't really answer me but somehow my question was re framed - is it worth getting disturbed over such people. There are other stars too, it's just my heart is stuck somewhere and so it isn't allowing me to see beyond that. It is tough, I was being wronged by. But i need to believe in myself. As thoughts were arguing among themselves - deciding whether I should be gloomy or hopeful. The bell rang, I rushed to my lectures, because more absence brings an argument. It's ok to walk away from people who let you drown. Hope is amazing feeling, it makes you terrible but it still keeps you alive. Be hopeful for yourself.